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children

Strong-willed Children vs. Compliant Children


Have you ever wondered why your kids are like night and day? One is a spitfire, and the other is a sweetheart. Many parents are interested in knowing what these differences will mean for their kids long-term, beyond everyday issues of discipline and family harmony.
Some time ago, I conducted a survey of more than 35,000 parents to help answer those questions. It is described in detail in my book Parenting Isn't for Cowards, but let me boil down 11 of the most important findings. These conclusions represent common traits and characteristics that may or may not apply to every child in each category. They indicate what typically happens with very strong-willed children (SWC) and very compliant children (CC) as the years unfold
Know the difference …
1. In the human family, there are nearly three times as many SWCs as CCs. Nearly every family with multiple children has at least one SWC.
 
2. Male SWCs outnumber females by about 5 percent, and female CCs outnumber males by about 6 percent. Thus, there is a slight tendency for males to have tougher temperaments and for females to be more compliant, but it can be, and often is, reversed.
 
3. The birth order has nothing to do with being strong-willed or compliant. These elements of temperament are basically inherited and can occur in the eldest or in the baby.
 
4. Most parents know they have an SWC very early. One-third can tell it at birth. Two-thirds know by the first birthday, and 92 percent are certain by the third birthday. Parents of compliant children know even earlier.
 
5. The temperaments of children tend to reflect those of their parents. Two strong-willed parents are more likely to produce tough-minded kids and vice versa.
 
6. Parents can expect a battle from SWCs in the teen years. Fully 74 percent of SWCs rebel significantly during adolescence.
 
7. Incredibly, only 3 percent of CCs experience severe rebellion in adolescence, and only 14 percent go into mild rebellion.
 
8. The best news for parents of SWCs is the rapid decrease in their rebellion in young adulthood. It drops almost immediately in the early 20s and then trails off from there.
 
9. The CC is much more likely to be a good student than the SWC. Nearly three times as many SWCs made Ds and Fs during the last two years of high school as did CCs. Approximately 80 percent of CCs were A and B students.
 
10. The CC is considerably better adjusted socially than the SWC.
 
11. The CC typically enjoys much higher self-esteem than the SWC. Only 19 percent of compliant teenagers either disliked themselves (17 percent) or felt extreme self-hatred (2 percent). Of the very strong-willed teenagers, however, 35 percent disliked themselves, and 8 percent experienced extreme self-hatred.
unhappy couple

When a Marriage Grows Cold

Linda S. Mintle helps answer the question, What do you do when a spouse tells you he no longer feels love for you? and gives ways to help restore love in a marriage.

Should We Offend?

No one has the right to be stupid in his presentacion of the faith.

Get In Shape in 2008

When you are healthy, you can serve God with vigor. Here are eight practical ways you can change your life as you step into the new year.

Media Overload

Rethink how much you use the media, and then reprioritize your time.

Finding the Right Supplements

Here are a few things to consider when choosing products for your nutritional needs.

What constitutes a good multivitamin? The answer is the same things that make living food healthy. Most multivitamins are made of synthetic ingredients and toxic fillers. They may have all the vitamins you need, but the vitamins are typically in suboptimal amounts and in a cheap form made of mineral salts, which are poorly absorbed. People who take these pills usually don't get the nutrition they need.

These chemical-based supplements also lack that vital combination of nutrients that characterizes living foods. Nature never produces nutrients in isolation. Oranges, for example, contain much more than vitamin C.

The Superstar Syndrome

Christ didn't care about the "stuff" that made Him look good in the eyes of the people.

The Sin We Hide From View

Domestic violence is an ugly problem—and it happens both inside and outside the church. We need to speak up if we hope to protect the victims.

The Powerful Human Connection

The time you spend in interaction with others can dramatically affect your physical health.

One evening I was called to an old, ramshackle home out in the country to examine a home death. When I arrived at the house, a deputy met me at the door. "Doc, sure looks natural. The old lady's been up here, all alone, for years. Never left the house. Never had any visitors. Never went to the doctor—not that I can blame her."

He looked rather suspiciously toward me as I ducked to enter the undersized door, ignoring his slight to the medical profession. He continued his soliloquy: "She had a friend who brought her food and supplies. Her friend found her here this evening and called us."

Sderot, Israel

My Israel Adventure

Marilyn Hickey and her group of travelers were honored to experience the faith and culture of the Israeli people.

Western Wall in Jerusalem Old City

Journey of a Lifetime

Like no other experience on Earth, a pilgrimage to Israel will connect you to God, the roots of your faith and a very special people.

Proper Nutrition and Recovery from Eating Disorders (3)

In his book Hope, Help and Healing for Eating Disorders (Shaw, 2002), Christian psychologist and certified eating disorder specialist Gregory L. Jantz, Ph.D., offers a body-mind-spirit approach to healing from eating disorders.

Jantz advocates proper nutrition as an important and often overlooked aspect of treatment for eating disorders. His nutrition-based rehabilitation program starts with nutrients that support the body systems most compromised by an eating disorder and works toward restoration of a person's complete nutritional health.

As a person recovering from an eating disorder works toward making healthy eating choices, Jantz offers the following guidelines, which he has adapted from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services:

Confession of a Critic

A new generation of born-again producers is moving in innovative directions.
Girl Yelling

Don’t Be Silent

When you see something that conflicts with biblical standards, declare the truth.

 

As you may know, we're in both a cultural battle and a spiritual war for this generation. We see evidence of it all around us every day—young people are broken and hurting. As Christian adults, we must get in the fight.

 

If you look around, it's not hard to see that the people shaping the culture are the ones who do not subscribe to biblical teaching and who are often hostile to Christian values.

 

With the difficult challenges our youth face, and with more spiritual assaults headed their way, you may be asking yourself how you can get involved. The answer is simple: Speak out and encourage other believers to do the same.

 

When you see something that conflicts with biblical standards lift your voice and declare the truth, but do it in a godly, caring manner.

 

Recently, Caite and her youth group from The Vine Church in Spring Hill, Florida, went to the local mall to visit the lingerie store Victoria's Secret. They entered the establishment one person at a time and pleaded with the manager to remove the posters of scantily dressed models because the images were offensive to them.

The manager kicked out one teen after another until they all were gone. But when the group walked back into the store together and in unison said: "Please take these posters down. They are destroying our generation," the entire store fell silent and not one shopper budged.

 

The manager removed the posters.

 

Another youth group in Jacksonville, Florida, protested the sale of pornography in a store during the Christmas season. The students gathered at the Regency Square Mall to oppose the sale of X-rated ornaments called "pornaments," sold at Spencer's stores.

 

The kids sang, chanted in protest and pleaded with the manager to take the items off the shelves.

 

The youth pastor, Clint Wilder, said the teens protested because they were tired of seeing products that promote sex and pornography. A news report later revealed that half the company's stores pulled the items because consumers said the sale of such items was inappropriate.

 

Some young people may not be old enough to vote, but they're realizing they can take action to impact culture.

 

You too can be an important example to this generation by taking a stand when you see something in your community that disagrees with the godly principles our country was built on.

 

Those who speak up are heard.

 

But if you let people who do not share your values do the talking, they will be the ones to decide what's right and wrong. Please don't let this happen.

 

By now you've probably heard or read about the BattleCry for a Generation campaign, which is designed to equip and encourage churches to disciple and double the size of their youth groups over the next five years.

 

We have developed many resources to help Christian leaders win the spiritual battle. But if your church isn't part of the initiative, then do whatever you can to get your pastor, youth pastor and congregation involved by going to www.battlecry.com.

 

The Web site offers tools to help local churches protect young people in the spiritual battle being waged against them. And it includes information about how we adults can band together to turn the tide.

 

Resources include videos produced specifically for pastors, other leaders and teens. You will also find more testimonies by people who are taking a stand for biblical values in our culture.

 

Be an advocate for the young people in your church and community. Encourage them to join the fight to take back their generation for Christ!


Ron Luce founded Teen Mania in 1986. He and his wife, Katie, have seen more than 2 million youth attend events they host called Acquire the Fire, and they have sent more than 50,000 teens across the globe on mission trips. Ron and Katie live in Garden Valley, Texas, with their three children: Hannah, Charity and Cameron.

Healthy Living


Detoxing Made Easy

Linda Page, author of the book Detoxification, explains why there is a need to help your body detoxify itself: "The environmental toxins of modern-day life that we're exposed to—the pollutants, chemicals, other synthetic substances—are more than the average body can handle. The body doesn't know what to do with foreign substances, so it will store them outside of the regular elimination system, so we don't get poisoned. Those poisons start building up in our body fat."

Her weekend detox program involves drinking fruit juice—a whole lot of juice and little else—which, according to her, pushes these toxins out of your system.

They Call It Puppy Love

Pets of every kind warm our hearts, not just puppies. Now studies show that they can make us healthier.


For many years I cared for patients at nursing homes. I loved the afternoons I would spend with them. I made sure to touch them and to give them a hug.

More often than not, when I made rounds at the nursing home, I'd bring one of my children with me. The patients loved seeing the kids and talking to them.

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