Ten years ago I almost left my husband for another man. While I had issues of my own and needed therapy, I found out he was a pathetic liar who was married, having previous affairs. He didn't want a lasting relationship with me; he needed me to temporarily meet "his needs." This crushed my self-esteem, adding to existing damage; I felt used and stupid. If only I had known a portion of the truth, I could've made better decisions and judgment calls. Lying is a cowardly way of working yourself into someone's life because you fear their response to truth.
Lying may temporarily cover up reality; but the real damage is what you are doing inside yourself every time that big elephant in the room sits on your chest. Some have been hurt, messed with, taken advantage of and simply blindsided. No one wants to spend time and energy pouring themselves into a relationship only finding out it's built on a foundation of lies.
We need to be upfront with each other in the beginning, creating boundaries to protect our hearts. Within any type of relationship, honesty needs to be a priority and an expectation for both parties.
Lying is intent to deceive and a conscious choice. It's wrong, deceptive, misleading and cowardly. We need to possess the characteristics of the person we want to be in a relationship with. We attract what we model. There are no guidelines for when and how to be honest; always be honest. This kind of character includes risk and a willingness to fail as we give ourselves over with vulnerability. We get back from our relationships, what we put into them. Honesty is beneficial and worth the effort.
- Honesty creates a sense of security and emotional bonding. This brings people closer together creating a safe connection.
- Honesty helps build and recognize compatibility. This shows you genuinely care about the other person and you respect yourself.
- Honesty provides happiness and fulfillment in the relationship. This enables you to break free from any fear and allows for authenticity.
- Honesty proves maturity and self-acceptance. This demonstrates self-respect and respect for others that can evolve into a loving relationship and set a good example for others.
- Honesty will keep you out of trouble and stressful situations. This will keep you from fearing anticipated consequences from something that wasn't necessary in the first place.
There is no way to "foolproof" any relationship. But you can respect yourself and others, always tell the truth and never be a fool. Honesty reaps reward and creates personal connections upholding honor and commitment.
"Do not lie one to another, since you have put off the old nature with its deeds" (Col. 3:9).
Brooke Lynn is the author Raised by Strangers available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. She is a writer and a speaker who passionately lives—reaching others with God's Word and love. She is a survivor of abuse, sharing her past pain and recovery to encourage others with hope. Brooke resides in the Washington, D.C., area, has been married for 19 years, has two children and loves dogs.
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