My breastplate is dented. My shoes are Dollar Tree flip flops. My shield is made of cardboard. My helmet is an old baseball cap. My sword ... well, it's more like a toothpick. You get the idea.
If the armor must be God's, I'm thinking the strength must be His as well.
In the New Testament that strength is often equated with the resurrection of Jesus. Everything truly does go back to Jesus and the gospel. I can live a life of victory and strength because of Jesus' victory and strength on the cross.
There's a quote by Matthew Henry which basically says that no matter how good your armor is on the outside, if you don't have a good heart on the inside, it's useless.
"Let a solider be ever so well armed without, if he have not within a good heart, his armour will stand him in little stead" (Matthew Henry).
I could have all that righteousness, faith, salvation, truth and even the gospel, but if it all hasn't reached my heart ... it's not of much use to me. And if the foundation of my faith is not God's strength, but my own ... well, let's just say that's not much of a firm foundation.
Maybe things have been so difficult lately because I'm trying to do all this in my own might? Unfortunately I'm not sure how to do it any other way. How do I not do everything that needs to be done ... and what does it look like to do things in God's strength, not my own?
In each ridiculously busy day, what do I give to God? What do I let go of? I wish I knew right now ... I wish the next paragraph in this blog would hold the key to letting go and letting God.
But maybe it isn't so much about me doing anything more or less. Maybe it is more about me having a shift in my mindset. Maybe I need to re-evaluate what is causing me to feel so weary. Could it be my own expectations? My wish and hope to have a different life? Discontentment? Fear? Insecurities? Anxiety? Anger? Bitterness? Frustration? Probably some of those, maybe all ... depending on the day.
I keep trying to figure out how to make this life easier ... get off the battlefield. I don't think that is God's plan for me yet. I think the plan is to teach me to trust despite the battle ... to smile despite the frustrations ... to be thankful despite the weariness ... to praise despite the problems.
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