My father died when I was 5 years old. I had no idea what life would be like after that. My parents were young and had just graduated high school when they had me. After graduation, buying a home and a car, and establishing their careers, my mom was working for the state and my father had a job with Ford Motors and was going to school at the same time. Having me was part of their American dream.
After my father passed away, the dynamics in our household changed drastically. There was no more happy in our household. Our home turned into one of anger and frustration. My mom was now a young widow, not yet 25 years old. We went through a lot. I found myself as a child living on edge. I begged for her love, attention and affection.
I realized that for all of my life, even up until this year, I was addicted to the chase of my mother's love. Whenever I did something good, I looked for her approval. Whenever I thought I could say something or do something to make her happy, I would try. I have chased and chased for her love ever since my father died, well over 45 years ago now.
I went through mental, emotional and physical abuse living in my mother's home growing up, but nothing that was done or said to me could ever stop me from wanting a mother's love. I grew up even in my adult years thinking maybe if I changed myself, it would help make things better. And I admit, I have done some horrible things. I have done things to my mom and a whole lot of bad things to myself. Yet, throughout all of that, wanting a mother's love is normal, right? No matter how many years would go by, nothing changed. When the trauma of my father's death settled, this dysfunctional mother-daughter relationship would continue for years to come.
Now I am a grown woman with a 15-year-old son of my own. I realized when I was pregnant that I did not want this same toxic relationship with him. Nothing I have gone through in my life and no choices I have made in my lifetime are his fault. I wanted to give him a chance to have a healthy parent-child relationship with me. Thanks to Father God, that's where we stand this day. I knew it was possible when I saw how God did it for my son and me. So why is this a problem between Mother and me?
I prayed, fasted and cast out demons to no success. It takes two to change a relationship. We all have free will, and all parties would have to be willing. I had already had an addiction gene from my father's side of the family. So when Father God revealed I was addicted to the mental and emotional disappointment I would feel after chasing my mother's love, I knew this was something I could not live the rest of my life doing to myself. After all, it became extremely visible to my son. When he spoke to me about this, I knew it was time for a drastic change on my part.
I had to pull away from this toxic relationship. I prayed and asked God to please give me a word, and I would obey. I was led by Holy Spirit to read Matthew 12:46-50:
While He was still speaking to the people, right then His mother and His brothers stood outside asking to speak with Him. Then one said to Him, "Look, Your mother and Your brothers are standing outside asking to speak with You."
But He answered the man who told him, "Who is My mother, and who are My brothers?" He stretched out His hand toward His disciples and said, "Here are My mother and My brothers! For whoever does the will of My Father who is in heaven is My brother, and sister, and mother."
This addiction was blocking my blessings; at the same time, my presence around my mother would frustrate her. It had me completely emotionally bound. What liberation it has been since I have prioritized my focus. Putting God first allowed me to learn and experience more of the kingdom of God on earth as it is in heaven.
Now I can move freely by His Spirit and not on the eggshells of people-pleasing concerning my mom. Now my wounds from my past can heal completely, and my perception has changed. I can see with much more clarity. I have been set free! "Therefore if the Son sets you free, you shall be free indeed" (John 8:36).
Walk in your freedom. Ask Father God what is holding you back, and He will answer your prayers. Live and walk in your freedom today. Whatever may be holding you back, allow God to loose its grip off of the blessings He has already predestined for you.
To hear Dr. Gina's full teaching on this topic, click here.
Gina R. Prince is an apostle of the gospel of Jesus Christ. She has a podcast show called The Keys Against the Enemy on cpnshows.com. Connect with Gina on Instagram and Twitter @ginarprince as well as Facebook at "The Keys Against the Enemy." Visit her website at drginaprince.com.
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