Is your marriage holy? What do you believe about your marriage? Do you believe you are worthy of your spouse?
I want to give you a solid principle you can use to assess yourself as to what you truly believe about marriage. This principle is what I call believing behavior.
Don't believe about your marriage just what you philosophically or theologically believe. We can say we cherish our marriage and that it is a holy gift from God. However, words are not always truth. You must believe your behavior instead.
Look at your attitudes and behaviors in your marriage. This is where you will find more truth in the matter of what you really believe. Here are some ideas of what I mean about believing behaviors.
For example, if you are in awe of your marriage, you will have a general attitude of thankfulness to God for your spouse. You will also be inclined to be more patient because you're in a God deal. However, if you are not in awe of your marriage, you will tend to be more critical of your spouse and generally be ungrateful.
If you really believe you are unworthy of your miracle, you will pitch in. You're part of the team. The dishes and laundry are yours whether you're a man or a woman.
When you feel that you are worthy of your spouse, you have entitlement and you have the behavior of focusing on what your spouse doesn't do right. Actually, most people I meet who feel worthy are not only critical, but they are usually less happy than the person who really believes they are unworthy of the miracle they are married to.
The behavior of a person who believes their marriage is holy would be praying together. The person who believes their marriage is holy also feels convicted when they sin toward their spouse and will tend to be confessing their sin to their spouse fairly consistently. A person's behavior if they think their marriage is not holy is disrespectful and often demeaning toward their spouse. They also tend to blame their spouse for their own behavior and minimize it even when they are clearly wrong.
The behavior of a person who has really felt the call to serve their spouse is consistent. They know what needs to be done, not just around the house, but what needs to be done for their spouse to feel loved or special. They serve, not to be served, but rather because it's what's right in view of this amazing miracle they have received from God.
A person who really believes the marriage is about them is inconsistent. They often complain about even doing small things around the house for their spouse. They have an attitude of being inconvenienced when their spouse or family member has need of them. I think you get the idea of believing your behavior.
Behaviors always tell you the truth about what you believe. So, think through this so you can have a healthy evaluation of what you really believe about whether your marriage is a bonafide miracle of God.
Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is a nationally known author, speaker and licensed psychologist. He is the executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and the author of several books, including Miracle of Marriage. You may contact Dr. Weiss via his website, drdougweiss.com; on hisFacebook; by phone at 719-278-3708 or through email at email@example.com.
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