Are You Entitled to All the Sex You Want?

Man and woman
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Question: How many times is too much? How many times is not enough?

Answer: Now here is a real "guy" question. Unfortunately, there's not a concrete, one-size-fits-all answer. First, let's deal with entitlement. We are not entitled to all the sex we want.

Sex isn't something that you want to approach just from a physical perspective. This would be like your wife asking how much prayer and nurture she's entitled to have from her Christian husband!

If you're looking for averages, two to three times a week is average for couples under 50 and one to two times a week is average for couples over 50.

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Now for some of you, this would be heaven. For others, this would be hell. If your wife is within these ranges, you have a healthy, sexual woman. Most likely, she's not your fantasy's insatiable several-times-a-day porn star you might have trained your brain and body to think is normal. Sorry! That is poor training for intimate, satisfying sex.

Now if you are keeping your eyes open, the lights on and having nurturing conversation during sex, then both you and she will be more sexually satiated. The more intimate sex is, the more satiated you will feel. The more satiated you feel, the longer you can go between meals—so to speak.

Let's talk about working out the appetite differences between you and your wife. I recommend Chapter 11 in my book Sex, Men and God (Siloam). You and your wife can work out a sexual agreement that you both can be satiated with.

Remember, how can two walk together unless they agree?

When assisting couples in reaching sexual agreement and harmony, I ask them how often they would like to have sex. It is surprising how many times their answers are the same.

They look at each other in amazement, and then say to me that they really didn't know they agreed so closely on the issue. My next question is usually, "Then why aren't you doing it that often?" Typically their answer is that they haven't had any real discussion or communication about the issue.

Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is founder of Heart to Heart Counseling Center and author of The 7 Love Agreements, which explains the power of unity in marriage and outlines seven "love agreements" that will revitalize relationships.

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