1. Talk about it.
Every man I have ever met has had one of those days when several things didn't go the way he expected. I know you have had them too. You didn't get the job, were passed over for the promotion, got stuck in traffic, got yelled at by your wife or were ignored by your dog. Bad days happen to all of us.
When you have a day like this, you need to have a friend and a plan. You need to talk about it. You need to speak openly with someone about your unfair situation. Then you need to have a plan to do some physical activity to give your body some positive chemicals. Being heard and getting some energy released won't change your circumstances, but they can certainly change your mindset.
If you don't have a plan, lust has a plan for you—especially on the roughest days. Lust will send you on a goose chase to find someone to look at or to have someone look at you. Lust will show you an opportunity to get you to view images or even act out in worse behaviors. Lust's voice will feel familiar with the promise of feeling better afterward. Lust loves to talk to vulnerable men.
So when you have bad days, have a plan to talk to someone and get a physical release. Talking to God and your wife (if you're married) can be a great part of that plan. Being proactive can help you in the battle of lust. Being reactive can lead you back into lust and give you false comfort. Plan ahead and stay lust-free.
Some men are very good at dealing with conflict, especially at work. However, at home, with their wives or girlfriends, they have had some of the most serious, volatile and expressive conflicts of their lives.
2. Stop avoiding conflict.
In the middle of a fight, some men move toward their spouses and ask what they are feeling, validate their feelings, ask what they need and make the conflict about understanding them. However, some men make the conflict all about themselves and being understood, which usually makes the conflict worse. Others avoid the conflict altogether.
Avoiding conflict of this nature will not only strain the relationship; it will open up lust as an alternative. Lust never argues with you, exposes your weaknesses or questions your decisions, judgments or common sense. When you avoid conflict with your spouse, you take the pain inside yourself.
Pain will want to be medicated. If lust has been your medicine, then lust will pound at your heart's door to be let in once again. If you have a cycle of avoiding and medicating with lust, breaking this pattern by getting better at conflict can help you stay lust-free. If you avoid conflict, I would do more work on this area so you can live lust-free for a lifetime.
Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is a nationally known author, speaker and licensed psychologist. He is the executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and the author of several books including, Lust Free Living. You may contact Dr. Weiss via his website, drdougweiss.com or on his Facebook, by phone at 719-278-3708 or through email at [email protected].
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