1. She's beautiful.
This is one of the tricky lies of lust because at face value, it actually appears true. All women are beautiful because they are created by God, so yes, she is beautiful.
The lie is that you can actually see beauty in a glance. It is impossible for you to see her past hurts, abuses, successes, insights, strengths and weaknesses, or her relationships. To see her total beauty would take more than a lifetime. You would have to see her grow and become a woman, a mother and a grandmother. Beauty cannot be beheld in a moment. That's where lust traps you in a lie.
The second part of this lie is that you believe you can really see beauty. You think that because you can see her hair, eyes, body parts and skin, that you know what beauty is. The truth is that even a lifetime of knowing a woman, you will only begin to see her God-given beauty.
When you think you can see beauty at a glance, you are truly deceived. All you are seeing is dimensions, and you end up making the choice to lust after that. When you truly begin to see the totality of a woman, you can only feel honor for her because of her Creator and her present and eternal relationship to Him.
2. She wants to be looked at.
Lust will tell you that women want to be looked at. "After all," lust tells you, "look at the way they dress, the time they take to fix themselves up!" Lust lies to us and argues that some women send off a lot of sexual energy and dress to get attention.
Those women are usually broken in some way. They may have been sexually abused, raped, neglected, are financially needy, have low self-esteem or have a mental health disorder. They are hurt women. Looking at them as an object or thing reinforces their pain. Lusting doesn't help them in any way.
Healthy women, who are the majority of women you see on a daily basis, tell me they feel slimed or creeped out when they are looked at lustfully. They know they are a person, not an object, and when they feel you objectifying them, it hurts them and leaves them feeling dirty.
Women don't want to be lusted after—even broken women. At a deeper level, they want to be respected and valued as people. Lust makes you part of the problem, not part of the solution. Never believe this lie from lust. Treating women with respect and dignity makes you part of the solution.
Lust will try to convince you women are its, things, objects, something to be consumed, and even that they exist just for your pleasure. The truth is, women are holy. We talked about you being holy in an earlier tip, but we never really talked about women being holy. No matter how they dress—even in their naked state—women are made holy by a holy God.
Lust will lie to you, but when you start seeing all women as holy, you change the lens through which you view their bodies and personhood. Seeing a woman in the light of holiness gives you a permanent and reliable exit from any lie lust may tell you.
From this, you begin to view her with compassion and honor rather than consumptive feelings and attitudes of lust. This is your decision to make. Is every woman holy? When you decide yes, you decide to view her as God's heart and nature views her. Any other decision is lust, which is intent on dehumanizing a holy being into parts to justify temptation in your soul. When you see women as holy, you will really see how these lies affect your walk into a lust-free life.
Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is a nationally known author, speaker and licensed psychologist. He is the executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and the author of several books including, Lust Free Living. You may contact Dr. Weiss via his website, drdougweiss.com or on his Facebook, by phone at 719-278-3708 or through email at [email protected].
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