Can you remember back to the days when dating your spouse wasn't a chore, when the smallest thing you said or joke you made caused her to smile or laugh, and when she would hang onto every word that you said just because it was you that said it? Yes, she was infatuated with you, and she adored you, just as you did her. However, after many years of marriage and life, sometimes the natural tendency is for the infatuation to wear off. The jokes don't seem quite as funny, scheduling the details of a date night almost seem burdensome, and that twinkle in the eye for one another starts to fade a bit.
But let me remind you that while we each change over time through the years, the specific ways we interact and impress each other change over time with the years as well. And so while infatuation may be out of the picture, you never have to cease being adored by your spouse. You just have to change your approach to better understand her and her needs. If you're willing to work at it, here are five simple ways to make any wife adore her husband, to have her love for husband grow.
1. Listen to her with your ears and your eyes.
I personally struggle with this as I often have a hard time remembering things that my wife has told me, and it frustrates her. And usually, the reason I have failed at truly listening is that ... I wasn't truly listening. However, I've found it extremely helpful to listen to my wife not only with my ears but with my eyes as well (this usually means not looking at my phone). Because when a husband intentionally listens to his wife as well as looks at her when she speaks, it's much easier to remember what she's communicating both verbally and non-verbally. Successful communication is always a win-win in your relationship with your wife that will cause her to adore you.
2. Learn her love language and speak it.
Every person has a love language, and every husband has the responsibility to know what his wife's love language is and how to act upon it. We often naturally try to speak our own love language towards our spouse, but it's about as effective as speaking German to someone who only knows English. No matter how hard you try, they're not going to "get it," and as a result, they're not going to feel loved like you want them to. So, what's your wife's love language, and are you speaking it?
3. Let her be her own person.
She is not you, and does not have to be you. God made you each different, and that is something worth celebrating. If you want your wife to adore you, allow her the space to disagree with you and it be OK. Don't force her to see things your way just because you think you're right. Show grace, kindness and leadership while at the same time allowing her not to be you.
4. Live with her "according to knowledge."
Every woman is different, including your wife. There are things that make her tick and there are things that tick her off. Part of your job as a husband is to become a lifelong learner of your wife. Study her. Observe her. Learn her. She is like a good book that you have to learn how to read in between the lines. Every wife loves and adores a husband who "gets her." Strive for that.
5. Love her unconditionally.
Regardless of whether your marriage has been smooth sailing or not, nothing speaks value to a wife like her husband's unwavering and unconditional love. When you are going out of your way to show love to your wife in ways that matter the most to her, she is going to naturally adore you in ways that matter to you as well. Because a wife who is well-loved is usually married to a husband who is greatly adored.
What could you do today to cause your wife to adore you?
Andrew Linder is a husband and the father of four awesome kids. He is passionate about intentional parenting and helping other parents and leaders effectively reach the next generation.
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