Integrity is an authentic pleasure zone. There are people who really get pleasure out of doing what is right. I mean they enjoy the fact that they don't lie, cheat, exaggerate or try to misrepresent or harm others in any way.
They love the fact that when life gives them circumstances, they choose the right way of doing things. They like the feeling they get and their self-esteem from knowing they have no shadows, secrets or desires to create any strife in their life. They love the pleasure of feeling clean on the inside. It's not something they brag about or even think much about, but they experience pleasure from doing right.
These integrity pleasure zone people are not always even spiritual people, although many are. They just like the clean feeling of doing a good job and knowing they haven't ripped anybody off.
They are keenly attuned to the rhythm of life. They intuitively know and live by the Golden Rule of treating others like they would want to be treated. For these integrity pleasure zone people, life is a walk. Life is not about a spirit of being showy or needing more attention than the next equally valuable soul next to them.
To know an integrity pleasure-zone person is to smell a sweet fragrance of life. They may remind you of the good in life and the good we have in all of us.
I travel a lot speaking at conferences, and I meet a variety of people from desk clerks, rental car clerks, hotel personnel, along with the host and coworkers at a conference. Along that journey from my house in Colorado to the podium, I often experience a couple of integrity primary pleasure zone people.
These people invigorate me along my travel. They often go above and beyond the call of duty, and I feel cared for and special. Oh, I love integrity-pleasured people. Although most of us feel good when we do good; these amazingly designed souls feel this pleasure as a regular stream in their life.
Now if you are in a primary relationship with this person, that person will constantly challenge your character and your decision-making process. Most of us are slightly more selfish and self-serving in our decisions than an integrity pleasure-zone person would be. They don't think "What's best for me"; rather, they think "what's right, fair and equal." Their integrity can be frustrating if this is not your primary pleasure zone. If you try to go against them and manipulate them to a point of compromise, it truly hurts their soul in a deep way.
A better path is to celebrate their pleasure zone of integrity. They love to feel good in this way. Awareness that this is their source of pleasure is critical to celebrating this person.
When they feel your support for their pleasure, they are often more endeared to you, just as other pleasure zone people feel loved when their primary pleasure zones are honored.
The pleasure zone of giving is a great delight to those who envelop this pleasure zone. Their giving is not in tolerance or duty, which is no pleasure at all, but their giving is directly from the depth of their heart.
They love to give to their spouse in so many ways. They love to give time, touch, praise and lots of little surprise gifts. From the moment they think of how to give to their spouse, child, neighbor or friend, they feel pleasure. From that moment forward, including the phone calls to make it happen, the purchase of it and even writing the little note in order to surprise the person they are giving it to, they feel pleasure.
They don't even have to see the face of the person; they just feel good knowing that they did something to brighten up that person's day. For the primary giving pleasure-zone person, it's not the size of the giving it's just the act of giving.
The giver feels pleasure by dropping a compliment that encourages the store clerk. They enjoy helping a mother who is carrying her child with her bag on a flight. In truth, the givers usually also find some broader niche for their giving.
I know of a very unique couple who both have primary pleasure zones that are giving. Fortunately, they have done well financially. They are constantly giving to causes that they believe in. I don't mean a little, but sometime hundreds of thousands of dollars.
One of them loves to give to causes related to the nation of Israel; the other loves to give to causes helping the nation of India. They don't tell you what they give, but they always have someone from another country or someone in need around their life or staying in their home.
The givers' pleasure is in releasing something they have to give to another. The releasing is as pleasurable to them as a piece of chocolate is to an oral pleasure-zone person.
Givers have to give. That is how they feel pleasure. If you are married to a giver, you are fortunate when that giving is aimed toward you. When it moves to others, you may feel left behind at times. Understand that giving pleasure is important and remember that givers also need to be given to as well. Often they can give to others and not take care of themselves, and they also need to receive through their own self-care and the receiving from others.
Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is a nationally known author, speaker and licensed psychologist. He is the executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and the author of several books including, The Power of Pleasure. You may contact Dr. Weiss via his website, drdougweiss.com or on his Facebook, by phone at 719-278-3708 or through email at [email protected].
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