Since the beginning of my more than 30 years counseling men who are trying to conquer lust, I have used this tip because it gives men the highest likelihood of becoming lust free: Make a phone call. This principle has two applications. The first application is to call another guy every day, regardless of how you are doing with lust. This is a time to check in on both your victories and failures. This phone call tells lust that you are viciously serious about getting rid of it in your life.
The second application is to call a guy when you are being tempted to lust. You make this call when the situation is occurring, or if you have found yourself lusting after another person or image. As soon as you make the call, it will immediately bring you back to reality—to protecting yourself and those you care the most about.
The men who choose not to make daily calls also tend not to make calls when they are in trouble. This principle is successful if you use both parts: call daily to check in, and call when you are battling.
I have heard many stories of men helped by making a phone call. Because of this, I am confident that if you follow this principle daily, and when necessary, freedom from lust is within your grasp.
Scripture tells us to walk in the Spirit so we won't satisfy the desires of the flesh (Gal. 5:16). The Scripture continues to list the behaviors of the sinful nature. Inappropriate sexuality is definitely a frontrunner on this list.
You may be asking, how do I walk in the Spirit? You may have images of deep prayer, fasting and memorizing Scripture. While those are all fantastic spiritual disciplines, I would rather give you the tip Paul used in 1 Corinthians 13 about love.
Walking in love is walking in the Spirit. If you love God and bring Him into a potential lust situation, it will decrease. If you love your wife, children, parents, pastor and church members, your lust will decrease. Even if you just purely loved the woman you want to lust after, and put her needs first to be holy, human and real, your lust would decrease.
Love is walking in the Spirit. Lust needs selfishness for fuel. When you walk in the Spirit, lust's fuel supply dries up. Say goodbye to lust when you start walking in love.
Years ago, the Salvation Army was in the midst of a financial crisis. Pressured by those around him to rally financial support, William Booth sent a letter. He chose to write only one word: "Others."
In the battle of lust, it becomes very easy to get focused only on your own battle. When this happens, you tend to only pray for your purity, victory, freedom and deliverance. I want to challenge you to another option: others.
In addition to a daily phone call, take time every day to pray for those you personally know who are struggling. Pray for the men in your church, city, state, nation and the world. Cry out to God for their eyes to be opened, hearts to be healed, revelations to be given, relationships to be mended and freedom to walk in love and in the Spirit.
As you intercede, something amazing will happen. Your heart will open to others. Your prayers and life become a little less about you. Removing selfishness can help you walk in a more lust-free life. God can use you to move in people's lives around the world. You can be an agent of change. Not just for yourself, but others.
There are some lies lust likes to use more than others. One of the top five is, "You can handle this by yourself." Once you believe this lie, all hope of you getting better is gone.
Lust has you all alone. It's up to both of you to decide what you will permit, how regularly you will do it and even what other lies you can use to cover your tracks. You have chosen to not bring any light to this area, so lust can hide in the secrecy to which both of you have agreed.
Lust leads you to believe you can handle it all by yourself. This secret lets lust get away with all the destruction it has planned for your life. The truth is that lust, like most sins, is a team effort. James 5:16 tells us that if we confess to each other, we can be healed. Most men aren't free from lust because they believe the lie of secrecy instead of the Word of God.
I couldn't have even begun to break lust in my life until I confessed to another man. Once I obeyed the truth of James 5:16, I started to move toward a lust-free lifestyle. Had I continued all those years ago to disobey that one truth of confession to a man, I would never have been able to write one page of this or any other book.
Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is a nationally known author, speaker and licensed psychologist. He is the executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and the author of several books including, Lust Free Living. You may contact Dr. Weiss via his website, drdougweiss.com or on his Facebook, by phone at 719-278-3708 or through email at [email protected].
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