I asked my wife what she thinks about when it comes to the holidays and marriage. Her response—"Nothing,"
She thought nothing of it, or she made no major distinction between this time of year and another. So I pressed further and asked if she thinks it is a romantic time of year or if it should be. Her response, "It could, it should be, but it's not really for us." Ouch! Gut punch and reality check.
Since then it's put me on a mission to ensure my marriage is not lacking romance during the holidays. That during those cold winter nights and crackling fires, slow days and evenings, and time off from work, there is no lack of romance in our marriage. Maybe you need to be on the same mission.
Here are some ways you can heat up some marriage romance this holiday season.
1. Spend a lot of time with your wife. There is more downtime during the holidays, but there are a lot of distractions or other things to occupy our mind and time (think sports, football, Bowl season). Yes, you can enjoy those things and others, but be sure to spend a lot of time with your wife.
2. Get festive. My wife loves holidays. I enjoy them, but they aren't that big of a deal. She likes decorations and dressing up and making a big to-do about the season. Get festive in and around your house. Do as many holiday-themed things as your wife would enjoy. Decorate, dress up (yes, wear the Santa hat or even Santa suit), go caroling, roast chestnuts, play "Jingle Bells", sing "Silent Night", and most important—hang plenty of mistletoe.
3. Give her some time off. In our house, my wife is the primary cook. While you may be excited about time off for work, your wife's typical workload may not change. Consider this and find ways to give her a break or, at a minimum, join her.
4. Don't forget to date. There are usually plenty of Christmas parties to attend during this time of year. Many of those can be extra opportunities for you to date. But don't forget your regular date nights when it's just the two of you. If you live in an area where it's cold, then bundle up and enjoy the winter weather, or cozy up and enjoy the fireplace inside.
5. Give her a wonderfully thought out and romantic gift. One of my wife's love language is receiving gifts. Even if it wasn't one of her love languages, I think she'd still love it. I encourage you to give her a gift she will remember. Memorable gifts don't have to break the bank, but they must show that you took the time to think about what would be special, even romantic to her. Do not be the guy in the line at the last minute on Christmas Eve.
Take it from someone with firsthand experience and the fact that just getting a gift quickly does not say romance or I love you very well. And yes, she will know you were out getting her gift at the last minute.
Overall, do your very best to allow the holidays to be a time for you to express your love and to serve your wife, and I'm betting she will answer the question I asked my wife with more than nothing and you both can say no to the question, "Is your marriage lacking romance?"
Do you know what your wife enjoys most about this time of year?
Jackie Bledsoe is an author, blogger and speaker, but first and foremost a husband and father of three who helps men better lead and love the ones who matter most.