Is there too much peace and harmony in your marriage? Want to pick a fight? (sarcasm) If so, here are seven ways to start an argument with your spouse.
1. Change plans at the last minute without consulting your spouse. Changing plans at the last minute without checking with your spouse isn't an act of romantic spontaneity. Rather, it demonstrates selfishness and a lack of caring for your spouse. Being married means being a part of the same team. [Tweet This] So when one teammate makes a decision without the other teammate, it inevitably leads to conflict. Instead, help your spouse feel like their input is important by consulting them before making decisions. Because being united in the little things paves the way to being united in the big things.
2. Wait until late at night to have a serious conversation. When my wife, Susan, and I start discussing a serious matter when we are both tired and worn out from a long day, the results usually are not good. And I think many couples would agree with me that trying to discuss a sensitive subject at night rarely yields good results. As I suggested in my blog Avoid Arguments with Good Timing, make sure you discuss tough topics at the right time. Because working through issues when you and your spouse are fresh and focused will lead to much healthier conversation.
3. Speak without a filter. One sure way to start a fight with your spouse is to just say whatever is on your mind with no self-control. When you do so, hurtful, destructive words are often said. So how can you keep these things from slipping out in the heat of the moment? By speaking with a filter in your marriage! Some examples of filters include: Are my intentions pure? or Will this build up my spouse? For more filters, check out my blog 5 Ways to Filter What You Say.
4. Compare your spouse to others. When you see other couples who appear to have it all together, it's easy to start comparing by saying things like: "Why can't you be more sensitive like Amy's husband?" Or, "Why can't you be more supportive like Ben's wife?" When you do so, an argument may not be far behind. The key to avoiding the comparison argument is understanding that all spouses have their faults and you aren't seeing the whole picture of what their relationship is really like. Just remember, no one is perfect—including you and me.
5. Bring up past mistakes. So many marital arguments arise over past mistakes. Though you may still be in pain, it's important to make the decision to forgive and your heart will follow. For more on giving forgiveness, visit my blog Corrie ten Boom: The Ultimate Forgiveness Story.
6. Question your spouse in front of the kids. Another way to make your spouse angry is to question your spouse's judgment or disagree with your spouse in front of your children. To avoid conflict over this, be sure to never create a negative image of your spouse in front of your kids. Instead, discuss issues privately with your spouse. This will keep both your marriage and your relationship with your kids at its best.
7. Attack your spouse when they're in a bad mood. Life is full of irritating moments—moments when frustration gets the best of us. So when you come home in a bad mood after a frustrating day at work, the last thing you want is for your spouse to attack you by saying something like, "What's your problem?" Avoid fights by doing your best to turn your spouse's irritated mood into a calm mood.
How do you avoid getting into an argument with your spouse? Please share your tips below.
Mark Merrill is the president of Family First. For the original article, visit markmerrill.com.
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