Zach and Amanda (not their real names) were happily married and attending a growing church on the east coast. They started a family and got involved in ministry. Things were going well for this young Christian couple. But then Zach took a major spiritual detour.
He swallowed the Red Pill.
You may not know anything about this infamous pill, but you need to learn fast before it affects marriages in your church. Some Christian men today have come under its influence, mainly through the popular Reddit online discussion site.
At first Amanda noticed her husband was developing odd attitudes about women. He would talk about how "all women" are highly emotional and how they want to manipulate men. Then Zach began to play mind games with his wife: ignoring her, blaming her for everything or cutting off sexual contact for days to teach her a lesson.
Then he started demanding total submission from Amanda. He began quoting 1 Peter 3:6, which says that Sarah called her husband Abraham "lord." Meanwhile he would sometimes call his wife stupid if they argued.
"It was definitely mental and psychological abuse," Amanda says. "His love was conditional. He would say, 'You need to follow me completely, and then I will give you what you need.'"
Finally, Amanda couldn't take it anymore. She began to fear that Zach might abuse her physically. "I was constantly crying. I was miserable and depressed," she told me this week in an interview. Although Amanda is not ready to give up her marriage, and she hopes for restoration, her trust in Zach is shattered, and she has started seeing a counselor.
The Christian community needs to be on the alert for the influence of the Red Pill movement because it's developing a cult-like following. It is described as a "men's rights movement"—which sounds benevolent enough—but the fruit of this movement is anything but right.
Many authors over the years have advocated a men's movement, including Robert Bly, Rollo Tomassi or the Christian blogger known as Dalrock. But Red Pill has taken the philosophy to the level of a religion. The Red Pill discussion site was launched in 2012 by Robert Fisher, a congressman from New Hampshire who describes himself as both preacher's kid and atheist. He hid his true identity on the site for a few years, but he resigned from his government post last month after his connection to Red Pill was revealed.
The movement is much bigger than Robert Fisher now. The site has 200,000 active subscribers. It promotes the idea that there is a "war on men" in modern culture and that the only way to fight back is to demand total submission. It even preaches that all women secretly want to be dominated because they are inferior. Some of the most outlandish tenets of this patriarchal online cult include these:
- Despite what feminists say, women don't want equality or respect—they want to be dominated by a strong man.
- Women today should spend more time on their personal appearance and less on work or education because men are not attracted to intelligent women.
- The stereotypical American woman is a "self-entitled brat" who has been influenced by "feminist hogwash."
- All women are alike. Red Pill advocates invented a buzzword, "AWALT," to explain this concept. It means "All Women Are Like That."
- Men should consider male-dominated trades because mechanics, electricians and plumbers are able to avoid negative female influences in the workplace. Men in a corporate culture or in academia risk being emasculated by women.
The actual name of the movement is a reference to the 1999 movie The Matrix, in which the character Neo takes a red pill to tap into the dark secrets of the universe. Followers of Red Pill are urged to open their eyes so they can see that women have collectively joined together in a global conspiracy to dominate men.
Fisher, who started Red Pill to help men navigate "the woes of dating in the American culture," certainly does not espouse Christian ideas of holiness or decency. Part of Red Pill's philosophy is to help men conquer women sexually. Fisher wrote in 2013: "I treat women like they're subordinate creatures, and suddenly they respect me."
Another tenet of Red Pill involves "negging," a flirting technique used by pick-up artists. Men are encouraged to use low-grade insults or offensive teasing to undermine a woman's self-confidence—so that she will ultimately be more vulnerable to a man's sexual advances.
Believe it or not, Christian men today are embracing these crazy, unbiblical ideas. They think God wants them to be crude, abusive and dominant—even though the Bible calls husbands to be humble, kind and compassionate models of sacrificial love (see Eph. 5:25-30).
If anyone around you is taking this Red Pill, warn them now. If anyone in your church is promoting these toxic ideas, don't let them spread, or you will face a crisis. Now is the time to teach men that godly masculinity isn't about bossing women around or acting superior.
Real men aren't macho, abusive or controlling. Real men don't put women down or feel threatened by them. Real men don't compete with women; they are happy to be equal partners with them. Real men don't swallow the Red Pill.
J. Lee Grady was editor of Charisma for 11 years before he launched into full-time ministry in 2010. Today he directs The Mordecai Project, a Christian charitable organization that is taking the healing of Jesus to women and girls who suffer abuse and cultural oppression. Author of several books including 10 Lies the Church Tells Women, he has just released his newest book, Set My Heart on Fire, from Charisma House. You can follow him on Twitter at @LeeGrady or go to his website, themordecaiproject.org.