By Love Transformed, by R.T. Kendall

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5 Reasons to Write Your Wife a Love Letter

Men, I have been writing my wife a weekly love letter for more than a year. That’s not a sentence I would have ever expected to write about myself.

I am not a man of outward sentimentality, and I very rarely make my emotions known. Most people would call me calm and hard to read.

But what I learned is this: As good as it can be for me to remain solid and calm in the storms of life, my wife needs something more. My wife needs to be loved, and she wants to be romanced. I learned after a year of marriage that it wasn’t enough to just show up, and I couldn’t stop with just providing a paycheck. I needed to do more to show my wife how much I love her.

And I don’t think I am alone. I bet that your wives also want to be loved and hear from your heart. They want to know just how deeply you love them.

I am not going to push you all to start writing a weekly blog to your wife. Instead, I want to encourage you to start small. All I want you to do is this: I want you to write a short, handwritten letter to your wife today, right now. Think of one thing about her or one thing she does that makes you thankful to have married her. Write it down and give her that note. Let her know you love and appreciate her.

In case you aren’t already convinced about writing that love note, let me offer you
five reasons why you should be writing love notes to your wife.

1. You will fan the flames of love in your marriage. Gary Chapman famously explained the concept of love languages, and the first language he describes in book is "words of affirmation." For many women, they feel most loved when they are spoken to kindly, when they are praised and when they are otherwise wooed with your words. Your wife will know she is loved when she reads that short note from you.

Go ahead and write a short love note now. Just put down two sentences about one thing you like about your wife. Now leave the note on your wife’s bedside table. Just trust me on this one.

2. The smartest man in the world gave his wife love notes. Okay, so maybe Solomon didn’t literally write his love letters to his wife, but the book of Song of Solomon is a collection of all his words of love to his fiancée and later his wife. The dude knew how to make his wife feel loved: “Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold, you are beautiful; your eyes are doves” (Song 1:15).

The Bible tells us that Solomon was given special wisdom by God, and in another place it tells us that he was the wisest man to walk this earth. We can all learn from his example, and we should see in Song of Solomon that there is great joy and delight in romancing our wives with our words.

3. Your words help your wife begin to understand you. “To wives, husbands often appear as mysterious islands”, wrote Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, author of Love and Respect. We men are not always great at sharing our thoughts or our feelings, so our wives are often left in the dark wondering what’s going on behind our stony demeanor.

Your love letter to your wife will allow her to pierce that fog and see into the real you. It will provide a window into what you’re thinking and feeling, and for that your wife will be deeply grateful. So, why not do it? Right now, take two minutes to write down one kind thing to your wife. Give her a glimpse into how you see her.

4. It is your responsibility to meet your wife’s needs. God chose to give you to your wife and vice versa. He put the two of you together, and you have now become one flesh. Husbands, some of your wife’s needs are now your responsibility, and they are yours alone. Many of those are her emotional needs and it is your responsibility, your challenge to satisfy those needs. In the book His Needs, Her Needs, author Willard F. Harley Jr. wrote, “When one spouse’s important emotional needs are unmet, you are being unfair to that spouse, who must go through life without ethical alternatives.”

Yes, your wife can find emotional outlets in romantic comedies, daytime TV shows or the latest romance novel—but she shouldn’t have to, men. Her craving for romance is yours to satisfy. Don’t leave your wife’s needs for Hollywood to satisfy; don’t make her turn to her favorite author because she isn’t finding romance in your marriage.

5. Why not? Finally, let me ask you this: What do you have to lose? Not time, because it won’t take you three minutes. Just put pen to paper now, or type up a quick email. Write two sentences. That’s all you need to start.

Go ahead and write your wife a love letter!


Manturity is a blog built on establishing spiritual maturity in today’s man. The goal is to assist men in building better marriages, help men in grow in maturity and explore different aspects of manhood. Manturity.com features new weekly blog posts, daily social media updates and a powerful resources page. Stay up to date with the Manturity blog communities on Facebook and Twitter.

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