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By Love Transformed, by R.T. Kendall

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4 Ways to Make Valentine's Day About Your Spouse

It's here, fellas. Valentine's Day is upon is.

To some, the mere thought may cause you to break into a cold sweat. It's the one day of the year when we are supposed to be, no, have to be, romantic with our spouse. Well, Valentine's Day is really not the only day of the year we are supposed to be romantic, but it is one of those days when we are encouraged to do so and may be judged if we're not.

For those of us who don't know the meaning of the word romantic or who don't have a romantic bone in our bodies, it can be a challenge. For those of us who struggle in the romance department, there is a trick, a hack that can help you be the most romantic person on every day of the year. It's simple, but not easy. When it comes to Valentine's Day, it's not about you—and neither is your marriage.

When we understand this and act according to it, romance will be easy. Try this: Think back to your dating days before you and your spouse were married. One of your biggest priorities was making things about her.

The restaurant, the date night activity, the clothes or cologne you wore, the doors you opened for her. You made it about her. Then you got married. Maybe you chose to go wherever to eat, date nights disappeared, and she didn't always smell the fresh fragrance of cologne on you. Now, she may not only have to open her own doors but has to get the kids in the door herself.

To be more romantic, don't make things about your happiness but about your wife's happiness instead. When you do that, you'll be romantic in her eyes. And Valentine's Day will be just an extension of the natural romantic that you now are. Here are four ways you can make Valentine's Day and your marriage not about you but about your wife.

1. Set her apart. Your wife has a spot that nobody else can or should occupy. Not your kids, your parents, your golfing buddies, your boss or anybody. Let her know this and let others know this with your words and actions.

2. Take on the hard stuff on her behalf. Ever heard of "good cop, bad cop"? Sometimes you have to be the "bad cop" in your marriage in order to keep her looking good. Be willing to have the next couple of difficult conversations with your kids or family members. Do whatever you can to take some of the heat off her. Volunteer for some of the harder cleaning items around the house, particularly the ones you know she hates.

3. Love her like you'd want to be loved. You probably treat yourself pretty darn good. You do your best to encourage yourself, to take care of your body and do what you think is best for you. Do that for your wife. Love her in a way that makes her feel loved. Be sure to find out her love language first.

4. Get close and intimate with her. Intimacy is doing or sharing things with a person that you don't do with anyone else. Do that with your wife. Share your deepest feelings, concerns, fears, dreams and anything else. Don't hold anything back, and don't let anything get between you and her. When you do these things, you will have no problem being romantic, and your wife will know Valentine's Day and your marriage is not about you but your love for her.

Jackie Bledsdoe is an author, blogger and speaker, but first and foremost a husband and father of three who helps men better lead and love the ones who matter most.

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