Several months ago, I was talking with my daughter’s friend, who needed a ride home from cheerleading practice. With her long curly hair and pretty looks, she garners a lot of attention, especially from the guys at school.

I thought I’d use my drive time with her to do some mentoring, since she is a Christian and a close friend of the family. It was an opportunity for me to encourage her in the Lord.

We talked about the usual stuff--classwork, boys and football. Then our chat segued into a serious conversation.

"This guy called me a cute b - - - - today."

"What!" I yelled.

"It wasn’t as bad as you think. It was meant to be a compliment."

As disturbing to me as the young man’s statement was, I was bothered more that my friend was flattered by his use of profanity to describe her. Offensive language is used so commonly today that people forget how ugly it actually is.

When comedian Michael Richards, best known as Kramer from the hit sitcom Seinfeld, used the N-word during his racial tirade at a California comedy club in November, people were rightly horrified. Kramer is white, and his words were quickly deemed racist.

But in neighborhoods not far from that club, young black men use the same word commonly as a so-called term of endearment.

How can the same word be used as hate speech and a term of friendship? It can’t be.

I’m a black woman, and I know what it is for my skin to curl up because a white person has called me the N-word. To African-Americans the slur is a reminder of our country’s legacy of racial hatred. The word is like a ticking time bomb in the black community--when we feel it has been abused, we explode.   

But successful, mostly black hip-hop singers and rappers make millions of dollars while spewing the N-word in their videos and CDs. Their lyrics not only are denigrating; they are giving an entire generation license to perpetuate the use of a racially charged word.

I believe it is hypocritical to embrace the N-word in black English and ban it elsewhere. There is a deeper issue than name-calling at the root of the problem, one that Jesus considers vile. In Matthew 15:17, He says: “But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man” (KJV).

My young friend was so accustomed to hearing foul language used among her classmates that she allowed a student to disrespect her and didn’t even bother to correct him.