I'm a big fan of schedules. I prefer the security of a solid plan and a definitive timeframe. I hate having to wait, and I hate having to rush.
However, being an obsessive planner can sometimes make living with God's timing a little difficult. We have all had that conversation with God when we say: "Hello! Your timing could use a little work." I have said this—more than once.
Six years ago my husband and I were expecting our first child. We were so excited. But our hopes ended in a miscarriage.
Six months later, it happened again—a second miscarriage. This was definitely not how I planned things to be. According to my timeframe, God was late.
Four years ago, when my mom passed away, I wasn't ready to let her go. This time, God was early.
At the time, I felt totally abandoned. I kept waiting for Him to do something—anything—that would make it better. But as much as I wanted to feel better, I wasn't willing to let Him into my life. I guess I was afraid He'd make things worse.
Pain has a way of affecting your memory. I had forgotten God's promises that He has a plan for my life that will give me hope and a future (see Jer. 29:11), and that His ways are higher than mine (see Is. 55:8). So I just kept waiting for the pain to vanish on its own, and for everything in my life to go back to the way it was.
Looking back on it now, I can see that God was also waiting. He was waiting for me to realize that I couldn't go through it alone—that I wasn't meant to go through it alone. I needed Him to take over my life, and allow me to get to know Him again.
I still have days when I hurt a lot. The pain did not disappear, but it doesn't drag me down anymore because I know I'm not going through it alone. We're never beyond the reach of God's love. "Great is His faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning" (Lam. 3:23, NLT).
We serve a faithful God who will never leave nor forsake us (see Heb. 13:5). All we have to do is look beyond our circumstances. When we do, we'll see that He's there, and know that He's been there all along—just waiting.