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young Chinese woman
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To a woman, whether single or married, what matters most is knowing her worth in the eyes of God.

What do you think of yourself? How would you describe yourself to someone if you were being objective? Would you want to get to know you if you met yourself walking down the street? Well, it's time to get under the skin you're in.

I've told the story of the time I was deeply hurt in a relationship—so deeply I had a party with the devil who served me Unbelief Tea and Resignation Pie topped with "Why Me?" sauce. Well, the man got married and divorced. He became a Christian. He came back to me. I was thrilled.

Then we had a major disagreement. He married someone else without telling me. (Can you believe he got married on me twice? What was I thinking?)

Though it took a while, we resolved the past, and today we're friends. One day when we were having a discussion I jokingly said, "Oh, no one wants to marry me."

"Why wouldn't anyone want to marry you?" he asked.

I replied, "I don't know."

He came back with: "Yes, you do. Why wouldn't anybody want to marry you?"

That's when the light came on in my head. I couldn't think of any reason why a man with good sense wouldn't want to marry me!

"Actually," I said, "I think I am absolutely fabulous! I wasn't always fabulous, but I am now, so the reality is that a man would be a fool not to want to marry me because I am a complete package."

My friend replied: "Well, there you have it. I thought you knew that. You would be quite a catch for someone, but if you don't know it, no one else will either. And men will treat you accordingly."

His comments caused me to pause and reflect. I realized that lately I had been attracting a different kind of man. I had broken the cycle of disappointing relationships. I had changed.

That's when it clicked: We attract people who feed off what we think of ourselves. Did you know that?

When I thought I wasn't a great prize, I attracted people who reinforced that idea in my mind. I didn't feel beautiful inside or out, so I allowed them to make me feel unattractive.

I didn't feel as if I had any purpose, so I would lose myself in their pursuits and neglect the call God had placed on my own life.

I gave my heart away to the undeserving because I didn't know how much it was worth. I was empty, spent by my efforts to find fulfillment in external things that would never satisfy.

Scripture says, "He who is full loathes honey, but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet" (Prov. 27:7, NIV). I don't think I had any concept of what honey tasted like. It wasn't real to me.

For me the bitter was as good as it got. It was what I was used to; therefore, I decided I should settle for it. After all, some man was better than no man at all, right?

Looking back, I see myself as a woman running around with her heart in her hand offering it to anyone who would have it: "Here, take my heart. Try it, you'll like it!" Well, who would consider a giveaway valuable?

Girl, it's time to come to know your worth and make no apologies for it.

Knowing Your Value

How do we get to the place in which our self-worth is intact? And how do we master confidence with grace?

When I address self-confidence and self-worth, please understand that I'm talking about getting a healthy perspective of your worth as a woman through Christ.

You are a pearl of great price. If Jesus thought you were worth dying for, there is no reason for you to believe others have the right to abuse the life He went through so much to save.

It is important for us to see ourselves as the King sees us. This can be difficult when we are bombarded by so-called perfect images via the media. According to them we should all be a streamlined size 6 or 8. I don't know about you, but I haven't hit those numbers since high school.

In the Song of Songs, the Shulammite woman speaks with confidence to her friends in defense of her looks, but she tends to lose that confidence when addressing the man of her dreams (Song 1:5-7). Nevertheless, King Solomon sings her praises and pays tribute to her beauty (vv. 8-10). Despite what she felt, he saw perfection.

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