People don't just "fall out of love" with one another. Instead, they allow negativity and unresolved relationship issues to build until they feel out of love.

Don't go by your feelings. Lost love can be restored. Here are ways to begin:

• Remember your history. You were once friends and attracted to each other. Start treating your spouse like your best friend again.
• Focus on the good. Identify, think about and speak of the good qualities your spouse has.
• Build up a caring relationship. If you want to feel loved, love first--and let your actions show it by doing caring things to make your spouse feel special.
• Love, love, love. Love your spouse as yourself. It's biblical!
• Sow good seed. You reap what you sow. This is a scriptural law that applies to relationships as well as to other aspects of your life. If you sow the fruit of the Spirit, you'll reap love.
• Control your tongue. There is incredible power in what we say (see James 3). You won't feel like doing these things, so don't wait until you do. Instead, choose to restore lost love by acting and thinking in a loving manner. Criticism will stop, and defensiveness will go. Lost love will be rekindled.

Linda S. Mintle, Ph.D., is a Chicago-based licensed clinical social worker and author of Divorce Proofing Your Marriage (Siloam Press).