Spirit-Led Woman

Want to receive SpiritLed Woman by email? Sign up here
Jerome & Leilani Haywood
Jerome & Leilani Haywood

The SpiritLed Woman podcast is empowering women weekly to follow their purpose in Christ and boldly walk in faith. Listen at charismapodcastnetwork.com.

Since I wrote "Five Signs That He Is Not "The One", which was shared over 4,000 times, I decided to write a counterpoint article. These five signs were confirmed when my husband, Jerome, asked me to marry him. 

#1: He has a vibrant relationship with God that shows in his involvement with the church.

Jerome was a former campus evangelist. The first time we met was in 1985, when we were on a missions trip to Boston. I was there from Hawaii, and he was from Missouri. When I met him, it was like meeting the postman. He made no impression on me, but in a group picture that we took together, he was standing right behind me. 

We kept running into each other throughout the years because we had a lot of mutual friends who were active in ministry. I was attending the University of Hawaii at the time and was very active in my church. He was part of a team that was starting a church at the University of Missouri in Columbia, Mo.

Several years later, I moved to Gainesville, Fla., to work with the ministry's magazine. I ran into Jerome again when he was visiting the ministry's headquarters to attend a leadership training seminar. I thought he was really funny, but I didn't imagine that years later I would be walking down the aisle with him.

The next time I ran into Jerome was at a pastor's conference in Indianapolis. His pastors knew me and were very supportive of Jerome and me grabbing lunch. I wanted to go to lunch with Jerome to find out what was going on with some of our mutual friends.

That lunch turned into a three-hour conversation where I felt like I had just met my best friend. I was amazed at how much we had in common. For one moment, it seemed like we had met on the interstate of life but had driven along the frontage road in the same direction for years. We had the same vision and same ministry experiences. That was a sign that maybe Jerome was more than just another buddy but a friend for life.

#2: Your leaders or pastors think marrying him is a good idea.

Several months after that conference, Jerome asked me to marry him. It was really fast, but we had known each other for seven years. Still, I asked several leaders who knew us both for their opinion. They spoke highly of Jerome's integrity, faithfulness, commitment and sacrifice.

Jerome had a reputation after serving in ministry for many years and had led half of the guys in his church to the Lord. He had discipled them and fathered them in the faith. He was not a novice in the faith. This was another sign that God may have be leading me to marry Jerome.

My church recommends that singles interested in a new believer give them a year. I like this test because it will show whether the new believer is serious about their faith or whether God is just a passing fad for them.

#3: Your parents like him.

The first time I met my future father-in-law, Erdis, in Natchez, Miss., he was skinning a squirrel. I could barely understand his heavy Southern accent, but he approved Jerome's choice. When Jerome met my mother, Aloha, and my stepfather, Celes, in Stockton, Calif., they instantly liked him.

Jerome was funny and relatable, and he made them feel like his best friend. He still has that incredible gift that won my heart. My parents' approval was a sign that he was the one.

#4: He has a job.

Jerome was a salesman in electronics at Sears. His pay was pure commission, and he did very well in this position, which was a sign to me that he was a hard worker. When you work in a commission-only position, if you don't work, you don't eat.

I've seen women turn away guys who had jobs but the job wasn't up to their standard. The girl wanted a guy who was earning a manager's salary, but he was working at a convenience store. Even though the guy loves God and is very involved in the church, I've seen girls who have snubbed them for someone outside the church who earns more money and looks more attractive.

The guy who doesn't love God but has a great job and looks more attractive may pull you away from the faith. Actually, I'll bet $20 that you will not be in church after a month of dating this guy. I've seen this pattern play out over and over again, and it is heartbreaking.

I believe that if the guy is working hard at his current job, God will promote him. Girls, you just need to be patient and let God make him into who he is called to be. If the guy is faithful, hard-working and a good listener who loves God, he will advance in life. Don't pass up a guy because he may be earning less than you do at the moment. Give him some years of working hard and serving God, and faithfulness will pay off.

#5: He doesn't pressure you into premarital sex.

Jerome quit dating at 21 and was celibate for 13 years until we got married. I don't know very many guys who could claim this record. If the guy speaks in tongues, reads his Bible everyday and memorizes Scripture yet pressures you into sleeping with him, saying that you can repent or God will give you grace, run!

Guys who can exercise self-control when they're single will be faithful during marriage. I know that virginity or being celibate as a single is not a popular topic in church sermons. But God has a lot to say about sexual immorality: "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous" (Heb. 13:4, ESV).

With these five signs confirmed, you should have a good sense of whether the guy who just asked you to marry him is really "the one." If one of these signs is red, then I recommend waiting until that sign turns green.

What other signs do you think make the guy a bad candidate for marriage? Tell us on Facebook.


Leilani Haywood is a Kansas City, Mo.-based award-winning writer and columnist. Her work has been published in the Kansas City StarMetro Voice and other publications. When she's not updating her status on Facebook or Twitter, she's working on her book. Follow her on Twitter @leilanihaywood.

Draw closer to God. Experience the presence of the Holy Spirit every month as you read Charisma magazine. Sign up now to get Charisma for as low as $1 per issue.

Get to know the Holy Spirit and how to interact with Him on a daily basis. Learn to enter God's presence and hear His voice clearly for yourself! Go deeper in your faith with Life in the Spirit and change your life and destiny. Are you ready to start your journey?

Your Turn

Comment Guidelines
View/Add Comments
  • Hillary Clinton

    What if Hillary Clinton Wins the White House?

    Polls have Mrs. Clinton leading by 11 points. The church must be prepared.

  • Holy Spirit prophetic

    7 Ways to Cultivate Sensitivity to the Holy Spirit

    Too many of God's people are led by fear, doubt, man-pleasing, presumption, assumption, idols ...

  • What if You Could Save $500 This Week?

    What if You Could Save $500 This Week?

    Start saving for emergencies today with the $500 Savings Challenge by brightpeak financial. It's chock-full of inspiration, great savings tips and the motivation to make a dent in your savings—for real! Go to 500savingschallenge.com to sign up!

  • Guarding the gates of your heart will keep the demonic and evil out of your life.

    Keep the Demonic Out of Your Life With This Oft-Overlooked Spiritual Warfare Strategy

    The enemy knows his limitations. Limit him.

  • Highway exit signs

    Prophetic Word: Watch for the Exit Signs to Light Up This Season

    Don't be afraid to get your hands dirty in the harvest fields. The "barnyard anointing" ...

  • There Are Times in History...

    There Are Times in History...

    While who becomes president is significant, the truth is, the change America desperately needs does not begin in Washington, D.C.

  • Finger pointing

    The Accuser vs. Donald Trump—and Us All

    This isn't a political persuasion piece, but a current-event case study in the strategies of ...

  • Passivity can be a real relationship killer.

    One Toxic Temptation Many Men Face—And How to Overcome It

    And no, it's not pornography or adultery.

  • Daily scripture reading, meditation and prayer can seem elusive with your busy schedule.

    10 Small Steps to Deeper Intimacy With Holy Spirit in Your Quiet Times

    If deep quiet times seem just out of your reach with your busy schedule, try one of these ...

  • Jezebel puppets

    10 Ways to Spot Jezebel's Spiritually Slick Undercover Con Artists

    It's time to stop tolerating Jezebel in all its many manifestations.

  • Continue Your Journey with the Holy Spirit

    Continue Your Journey with the Holy Spirit

    Follow God on the most fulfilling journey of your life with Encounter the Holy Spirit! Break away from past hurts and press into the One who wants a personal encounter with you.

  • Dream the Unimaginable In His Presence

    Dream the Unimaginable In His Presence

    Reach your full potential and be led by His Spirit. In His Presence takes you to a deeper understanding of who God is and how he communicates with us.

  • Set Your Spirit on Fire

    Set Your Spirit on Fire

    Receive the power and gifts that come through the Holy Spirit Baptism. Don’t go empty-handed; accept all that He has for you! His power is available to those who ask.

  • Put on the Full Armor of God

    Put on the Full Armor of God

    Break every stronghold with the power of the Holy Spirit. Use the power of your tongue to declare and decree the Word of God. Witness heaven move on your behalf.

Use Desktop Layout
Charisma Magazine — Empowering believers for life in the Spirit