Spirit-Led Woman

Want to receive SpiritLed Woman by email? Sign up here
woman in crisis
(© Sergeitelegin | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images (http://www.stockfreeimages.com))

The SpiritLed Woman podcast is empowering women weekly to follow their purpose in Christ and boldly walk in faith. Listen at charismapodcastnetwork.com.

Let me start by saying I certainly do not speak for everyone in crisis. There are a million different kinds of people and a million different kinds of battle. I’ve tried to stick to things I’ve heard many times from many people, but this list reflects my two years in the trenches more than anything else.

1. Sometimes your life is hard to look at. I will try to attend your daughter’s wedding, and I will be so happy for her. But I will look away when her father walks her down the aisle, and I will leave before the daddy-daughter dance. These things are too much for me.

I’m not mad; I’m just swimming through some deep-water feelings about the future. I don’t need hugs or help; I just need a little room to breathe, and none of it is your fault. This is my heartache.

For some, it’s seeing an anniversary celebration on Facebook or flirtatious banter between a husband and wife. For others, it’s witnessing the baby milestone while imagining how old their own would be. Different things are difficult for different people. Just know that while we love you, sometimes your world is hard to look at.

We know you have problems, too, and we’re not jealous of your life—we’re jealous for the life we used to have before our battle broke out or the life we’re wishing for that hasn’t quite started yet.

Action point for armies: Don’t stop inviting us into your lives, but give us grace when we need to look away for a bit.

2. How much we feel like talking about our battle can vary wildly. Some days are very difficult and so I will answer questions abruptly in order to save us both from my messy emotional breakdown. Some days it’s very cathartic to talk about it. So, how can you as my friend, know which day it is? You can’t.

And this is when it’s hard to be you (and I’m sorry). But what you can do is ask, “How are things with Steve?” followed immediately by, “I understand if you’d rather not talk about it.” Perfect. You’ve shown me you care and also given me an easy exit should I choose to use it.

And let me add: Even when I don’t feel I can give a detailed answer, it really does matter to me that people ask. (So thank you, sweet friends, for the question. And thank you for understanding when I can’t linger over the answer.)

3. We’re secretly afraid you’ll grow weary and disappear. We don’t fear it because we doubt your character. We fear it because we would probably choose to leave our battlefield, too, if given the option.

Through tears, I type this: I can’t imagine what I would do if I lost my friends as well. I just can’t imagine. I know so many people who run out of steam in supporting a friend and then they’re embarrassed to step back into the battle again. Don’t be embarrassed. Just give a call and say, “I miss you. Can I bring over some mac and cheese?"

4. We still want to fight for you, too. Don’t stop telling us what you’re going through. Don’t stop asking us to pray. It gives me comfort to know I’m not the only one in a fierce fight, and it gives me courage to know that I still have something to offer the world outside my war.

5. We love you. And we’d be lost without your friendship. Even when we lack the strength to say it or show it, please just know it.

Bo Stern is a blogger and author of the newly-released Beautiful Battliefields (NavPress). She knows the most beautiful things can come out of the hardest times. Her Goliath came in the form of her husband’s terminal illness, a battle they are still fighting with the help of their four children, a veritable army of friends and our extraordinary God. Bo is a teaching pastor at Westside Church in Bend, Ore. Follow her on Twitter @BoStern or visit her website.

Draw closer to God. Experience the presence of the Holy Spirit every month as you read Charisma magazine. Sign up now to get Charisma for as low as $1 per issue.

Get to know the Holy Spirit and how to interact with Him on a daily basis. Learn to enter God's presence and hear His voice clearly for yourself! Go deeper in your faith with Life in the Spirit and change your life and destiny. Are you ready to start your journey?

Your Turn

Comment Guidelines
View/Add Comments
  • Hillary Clinton

    What if Hillary Clinton Wins the White House?

    Polls have Mrs. Clinton leading by 11 points. The church must be prepared.

  • Jezebel puppets

    10 Ways to Spot Jezebel's Spiritually Slick Undercover Con Artists

    It's time to stop tolerating Jezebel in all its many manifestations.

  • Stand Unshaken, No Matter How Uncertain the Times!

    Stand Unshaken, No Matter How Uncertain the Times!

    How do you stand strong in these turbulent times and not be controlled by stress, apathy or frustration? How can you break free from barriers to intimacy with God? How can you align with God's purposes now and in the world to come?

  • Highway exit signs

    Prophetic Word: Watch for the Exit Signs to Light Up This Season

    Don't be afraid to get your hands dirty in the harvest fields. The "barnyard anointing" ...

  • In October, many things will be realigned in your life, including your vision.

    5 Prophetic Revelations About God's October Surprise

    "The winds of apostolic change are blowing across the land and realigning you."

  • Lance Wallnau

    Lance Wallnau Is on Fire and on Target With His Insights on the Culture and This Election

    I'm sickened by the self-righteous, weak-kneed "evangelicals" who want to be liked by ...

  • London landing

    Urgent Prophecy: London Is the Landing Page

    The Lord continued to give me downloads about the deeper meaning and even strategy for the ...

  • Step into the rhythm of the Holy Spirit to find abundant life.

    Why Many Christians Never Taste the Abundant Life Jesus Promised

    Joyce lost 90 lbs. without dieting after the Holy Spirit revealed this strategy for wholeness.

  • Pray this prayer and take back your temple.

    The Prayer That Can Result in Drastic Change for Your Body

    If you are struggling with your weight, make this prayer a daily declaration.

  • Continue Your Journey with the Holy Spirit

    Continue Your Journey with the Holy Spirit

    Follow God on the most fulfilling journey of your life with Encounter the Holy Spirit! Break away from past hurts and press into the One who wants a personal encounter with you.

  • Dream the Unimaginable In His Presence

    Dream the Unimaginable In His Presence

    Reach your full potential and be led by His Spirit. In His Presence takes you to a deeper understanding of who God is and how he communicates with us.

  • Set Your Spirit on Fire

    Set Your Spirit on Fire

    Receive the power and gifts that come through the Holy Spirit Baptism. Don’t go empty-handed; accept all that He has for you! His power is available to those who ask.

  • Put on the Full Armor of God

    Put on the Full Armor of God

    Break every stronghold with the power of the Holy Spirit. Use the power of your tongue to declare and decree the Word of God. Witness heaven move on your behalf.

Use Desktop Layout
Charisma Magazine — Empowering believers for life in the Spirit