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Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. Psalm 119:105
Oh that I was better at that trust thing.
Mentally I get it…I KNOW I can trust God with the big and little things, but I still FEEL like I should be doing something to make things better, to make things work out properly. I guess the point is that I don’t know how to fix most things and I don’t know what “fixed” really looks like anyway. Even as I write this I can’t seem to let go of my desire to get things where I think they should be. Let me give you an example:
I’ve got children who are struggling with things. Things I feel like I should have been able to help them avoid. There are things I can’t seem to be consistent on. Boundaries I can’t seem to keep hard and fast…I’m sorta soft and slow on things. I’m fearful I will lose my most important battles if I don’t get tougher. That stresses me out. Why can’t I trust that God loves my children more than me…that He will completely take care of things? I carry a burden I shouldn’t – I need to carry His not mine. His is easy and light…mine is suffocating me.
And yet, I have a responsibility to raise my children well. I can’t just throw my hands up and do a “Jesus take the wheel” thing. I actually have to do something! It’s the something that’s getting me. I know that God is teaching me to not base my self-worth on what I accomplish or how well I do what He has called me to do. He wants me to love Him and love others. I believe if I could just stop trying to change everything and everyone, I might actually end up loving God and others much better.
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8
I wish I had some final words of wisdom…some grand revelation I could share that would untie my knots and yet tie this post up with a lovely little bow. I don’t have one right now. I’ve been trying to figure one out and I think I’m realizing that this is part of the process of healing and growing and learning. And it’s okay not to have the answer or the pretty bow right now. But I promise as soon as I do, I’ll share!
What I do know…God is faithful and He will provide all that I need to accomplish all He has called me to do.
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13
Sue Birdseye is an author and single mom of five kids that range from 4-years-old to 17-years-old. This is adapted from her blog, uptomytoes.com.
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