Spirit-Led Woman

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Jerome and Leilani Haywood
Jerome and Leilani Haywood

The SpiritLed Woman podcast is empowering women weekly to follow their purpose in Christ and boldly walk in faith. Listen at charismapodcastnetwork.com.

In 1998, I lost my mind temporarily and mailed a guy—whose name I can’t remember— a recording of “Take My Breath Away,” with a big Valentine’s Day card. I went on one date with the 6'5" tall, handsome, curly brown-haired and big green-eyed man. I must have eaten something that would cause a professional, stable, woman to commit such a comic act. He didn’t return any of my calls, or respond to the card or recording. Today, I hope he’s unhappily married with 12 kids and wondering what would have had happened if he returned my call.

Then I would laugh and say, “I’m happily married, you goon! With three kids … see what you missed out on?” Of course we all know that will never happen. He’s probably married to a supermodel, living on a private island and raking in millions for the novel about a crazed woman who once sent him a recording of a song. In that one moment of lunacy, I forgot God. I’m sure many of you are too spiritual to relate, but I forgot God. I forget that God provides, that He directs our lives and has a plan and destiny for us. 

Five years after that day, I sat down with my new husband, Jerome, on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t foresee marrying Jerome. I was blissfully single, working my dream job for a Christian publishing company. My boss at the time made me go to a pastor’s conference to staff a book table. My future husband’s pastor made him go to get a spiritual injection. Neither of us wanted to be at this conference, but apparently forces beyond our control were at work. I knew Jerome as an acquaintance for seven years. The fireworks went off at the conference because, for the first time, we were both passionately following God with the same goals. I felt like I had met my best friend.

I didn’t have to go to eHarmony or Match.com, and make up a fake profile with a glam photo to catch some hits. God orchestrated the meeting at the conference.

I want to encourage singles—regardless of whether you’ve never been married, or you're divorced—to not forget God. Trust Him to direct your life. He’s trustworthy and faithful.

I’m going into my 20th year of marriage, and sometimes I’m amazed that I have such a great husband. He’s faithful, he’s stable, he loves me and our children and loves serving at church. A single friend recently asked me how she could meet someone like my husband. Here are some tips to survive V-day.

  • Become the person you want to marry. If you want a godly, passionate mate, then you need to be that person yourself.
  • Give undistracted devotion to God. That means read your Bible and regularly attend a good church where you’re being challenged to serve God.
  • Take care of the details of your life, such as your finances, your health, and work at becoming the best you can.

I tell my single friends that “like attracts like.” If you want a winner, then be a winner at life yourself. If you wonder why the guys you date are such losers, then take a step back and ask God to change you. He doesn’t want you with losers, He wants the best for you. I’m thankful that God directed me into Jerome’s path, and that the curly-haired guy didn’t return my call. God knows best. 


Leilani Haywood is a Kansas City, Mo.-based award-winning writer and columnist. Her work has been published in the Kansas City Star, Metro Voice and other publications. When she's not updating her status on Facebook or Twitter, she's driving her three kids to school or their next rehearsal. Follow her on Twitter @leilanihaywood.


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