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Depression was something I suffered with for many years. As far back as I can remember I struggled every day to find a reason to live—a reason to get out of bed—a reason for my very existence. The first decision I had to make each morning was, "Should I kill myself now or can I make it through another day?"
Yes, I had been to psychiatrists but the medicine they prescribed didn't help me. In fact, taking it made me feel even more hopeless about my situation. If that was the best medical science had to offer, then what hope did I have of ever getting better?
I tried everything I could find to get rid of the feelings of sadness, despair, hopelessness and deep hurt in my heart. I tried to drown them in alcohol and drugs. I tried to rise above them with occult practices and desperately wrong relationships. But nothing ever worked.
After the effects of every bad choice wore off, I was back to the way I had always been. I had a perpetual lump in my throat that was painfully sustained by a continuous effort to restrain the tears. I knew if the floodgate ever opened, a tidal wave of overwhelming proportions would rush out.
A Glimmer of Hope It wasn't until I was 28 years old that a friend took me to meet Pastor Jack Hayford. There, in his office, I received the Lord into my heart and that's when things began to change in my life.
Before Christ, I had been adrift. I was lost in space with no oxygen mask—sentenced to life imprisonment without food or water.
But now, suddenly, I was rescued. I was filled with the breath of the Holy Spirit. Living water bubbled up from my innermost being and flowed through my soul. I was fed and edified by daily bread from the Word of God.
I felt it strengthening and reviving my entire being. I finally understood what it was like to have hope. I learned that my life had a purpose. With one simple decision, my life had changed.
But I still had the depression.
I started going to church and receiving great Bible teaching from Pastor Jack. I learned to read my Bible every day. I couldn't put it down. I couldn't get enough. Life was finally making sense, and I had a lot of catching up to do.
That old familiar emptiness that had been in me as far back as I could remember was now finally becoming more and more filled. The truth of the Word was bringing life to the dead places in my soul.
I still had the depression. But now I could cope with it a little better…or could I?
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