New Man

Want to receive New Man by email? Sign up here
True male friendships
How many true male friendships do you have? (iStock photo)

The other day I was hanging out with a group of guys. We were all telling stories of the crazy things we did as young men. It was fun to reminisce.

One thing that stood out to me was how we spoke of friends we had in high school and college. It got me thinking, why do adult men not seem to have the kind of friendships they had when they were younger?

It seems that it is more and more common for men to not have any friends. Most men I know don't seem to have the kinds of friendships they had in high school and college.

What has happened? Why don't we have friends like we did when we were younger?  There are numerous reasons, but I want to draw our attention to two major reasons. 

1. Proximity. Most men post-college are not forced to live in close proximity to other men. Yes, you work closely with other men, but that is very different from having a roommate or living in a dorm, apartment or fraternity house with other guys. Things like sports, school or serving in the military also offer instant community and brotherhood. If you don't have the close relationships with other men that you once had, part of the reason could be a lack of proximity or natural community with other men.

2. Availability and responsibilities. When I was freshman in college hanging out in the common space of my dorm late at night, if some random stranger said he was going out to get food and asked if anyone wanted to come, I was there. Being married for 6 years and having two kids, I've learned that I don't get to do that anymore. My availability is very different. One of the biggest reasons you don't have the friendship you once had is that your availability has changed.

What would you add to this list?  What are the major things that have caused the nature of your friendships to change? 

Most men I know have three spheres of people they spend time with: drinking buddies, work acquaintances and social circle acquaintances. The problem, most of the time, with most guys is they spend most of their time together talking about sports or the weather or politics and never really go below the surface to connect at a soul level. We have settled for a version of friendship that does not help us grow into the men that God is calling us to be.

In part two of this two-part series, we're going to talk about some ways we can go about having great and soul level friendships again.

Matt Patrick is the lead pastor of The Well Church in Boulder, Colorado. For the original article, visit

Draw closer to God. Experience the presence of the Holy Spirit every month as you read Charisma magazine. Sign up now to get Charisma for as low as $1 per issue.

Get to know the Holy Spirit and how to interact with Him on a daily basis. Learn to enter God's presence and hear His voice clearly for yourself! Go deeper in your faith with Life in the Spirit and change your life and destiny. Are you ready to start your journey?

Your Turn

Comment Guidelines
View/Add Comments
  • There are some ways the Holy Spirit will never lead you.

    4 Ways the Holy Spirit Does Not Lead You—and 1 Big Danger

    Wrong teaching, ignorance, laziness and a failure of the five-fold to equip the saints for the work ...

  • Chuck Pierce

    Prophetic Word: 'The Winds of Heaven Are Now Entering the Earth'

    Chuck Pierce says we need to brace ourselves.

  • What if You Could Save $500 This Week?

    What if You Could Save $500 This Week?

    Start saving for emergencies today with the $500 Savings Challenge by brightpeak financial. It's chock-full of inspiration, great savings tips and the motivation to make a dent in your savings—for real! Go to to sign up!

  • Lee's ministry photo

    10 Ways to Pray for a Troubled America

    God is always willing to rescue His people if they pray.

  • Hillary Clinton

    What if Hillary Clinton Wins the White House?

    Polls have Mrs. Clinton leading by 11 points. The church must be prepared.

  • Low-Rate Church Loans Available!

    Low-Rate Church Loans Available!

    Whether it's purchasing a property, remodeling or refinancing, Christian Community Credit Union has a loan package that's customized for your budget and situation.

  • Holy Spirit prophetic

    7 Ways to Cultivate Sensitivity to the Holy Spirit

    Too many of God's people are led by fear, doubt, man-pleasing, presumption, assumption, idols ...

  • God doesn't usually shout, so you should listen carefully.

    What Happens When You Actually Listen to God

    It will surprise—and most likely shock—you.

  • Is there any unconfessed sin in your life?

    Scripture Says Pain, Health and Sin Share This Unexpected Connection

    If you're experiencing chronic pain, this may offer you the answer you need.

  • Guarding the gates of your heart will keep the demonic and evil out of your life.

    Keep the Demonic Out of Your Life With This Oft-Overlooked Spiritual Warfare Strategy

    The enemy knows his limitations. Limit him.

  • Continue Your Journey with the Holy Spirit

    Continue Your Journey with the Holy Spirit

    Follow God on the most fulfilling journey of your life with Encounter the Holy Spirit! Break away from past hurts and press into the One who wants a personal encounter with you.

  • Dream the Unimaginable In His Presence

    Dream the Unimaginable In His Presence

    Reach your full potential and be led by His Spirit. In His Presence takes you to a deeper understanding of who God is and how he communicates with us.

  • Set Your Spirit on Fire

    Set Your Spirit on Fire

    Receive the power and gifts that come through the Holy Spirit Baptism. Don’t go empty-handed; accept all that He has for you! His power is available to those who ask.

  • Put on the Full Armor of God

    Put on the Full Armor of God

    Break every stronghold with the power of the Holy Spirit. Use the power of your tongue to declare and decree the Word of God. Witness heaven move on your behalf.

Use Desktop Layout
Charisma Magazine — Empowering believers for life in the Spirit