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Are you unintentionally disconnected from your spouse?
Are you unintentionally disconnected from your spouse? (iStock photo)

The kids are in bed and the chaos subsides for another night. The TV flips on as they both collapse into their usual spots. He’s in a recliner, and she’s curled tight on the couch. He goes to grab some chips and asks her if she wants anything. She replies, “No thanks. I’ve already got a yogurt.”

Not another word will be spoken for the next hour as the onscreen drama they are watching “together” plays out. At 10 p.m., she pecks him weakly on the lips to say goodnight and he responds, “Be there in a bit,” as he flips the input over to the video game console. This scene repeats night after night.

In the modern marriage and family, it is extremely difficult to maintain the special connection between two people that first brought them together. It’s not malicious in intent by one partner or the other; it is simply the path of least resistance and where many marriages wind up. While that bond slowly fades away, other things will begin to fill that void. That is the marriage death spiral.

How can you detect if your marriage is going down a dangerous path? Here’s how to stop the marriage death spiral:

1. Put faith in the center. The No. 1 way to keep a marriage together is to always keep your shared faith in the center of your relationship. Marriages that are committed to a relationship with and a commitment to Jesus Christ will build foundations strong enough to withstand all the storms life is surely going to bring.

2. True and total commitment. Albert Einstein said, “Only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole strength and soul can be a true master. For this reason mastery demands all of a person.” It takes just that to make a marriage last until its golden anniversary. There can be no halfhearted attempts. That’s what’s known as a covenant marriage.

3. Open and honest communication. Keeping the lines of communication open in relationships and giving to them honestly is probably the most-used advice given at There is almost no problem, outside of physical health, that can’t be solved when people are honestly communicating their thoughts and feelings.

4. Limit television and all devices at home. We are a wired society now, and it becomes more difficult to unplug with each day that passes. But we must continue to fight the distractions that take us away from our personal connections. If your wife is on Facebook and you are playing video games or watching a game for the one to two hours you get alone at night, the relationship is going to keep sinking like a rock. Keep a tight limit.

5. Purposeful romance. The longer a marriage goes on, the more challenging romance becomes. It’s all been done, and it’s all been said. This is why people start to stray as they seek out the magic that came with the newness of the relationship and the wonderful feelings it brought way back when. Make it a top priority to set aside alone time together to date or just simply connect. It’s hard and it takes a dedicated and purposeful spirit, but it is worth it.

Related Resource: "5 Strategies to Find Unity in Your Marriage"

Huddle up with your wife tonight and discuss where your connection is and where it needs work.

All Pro Dad is Family First’s innovative and unique program for every father. Their aim is to interlock the hearts of the fathers with their children and, as a byproduct, the hearts of the children with their dads. At, dads in any stage of fatherhood can find helpful resources to aid in their parenting. Resources include daily emails, blogs, Top 10 lists, articles, printable tools, videos and eBooks. From, fathers can join the highly engaged All Pro Dad social media communities on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and Instagram.

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