New Man

Want to receive New Man by email? Sign up here
Do you and your wife rehash the same old arguments?
Do you and your wife rehash the same old arguments? (Stock Free Images)

My wife, Susan, and I have been married 24 years. After so many years, you’d think we would have smooth sailing in our relationship all the time, right? Well, not really. We are two imperfect people who do not live a perfect life. We still argue. And more often than not, it’s usually about the same two or three things. 

Here are some of our most common fights:

  • At times, Susan will say, “You always criticize me,” or, “You never encourage me.” It really makes me angry when Susan exaggerates with words like always and never.   
  • Instead of addressing an issue directly with one of our kids, I’ll often say things to Susan like, “They shouldn’t talk to each other like that,” or, “They need to finish their project.” And then I’ll ask her to handle it. That frustrates Susan a lot.
  • I want Susan to be more physically affectionate with me. She’s not as fired up about that as I am. Tension and arguments occur.

So, what can be done about the same old marriage fights? Here are some simple steps to break the cycle:

1. Identify the root cause of the problem. Is your wife mad that you were 10 minutes late getting home from work? Or is she really upset because she thinks your work is more important to you than she is? Be sure to identify what’s really bothering her, and work to get to the bottom of the problem.

2. Listen to your spouse. Sometimes a fight can be prevented by just listening to your spouse. Ask your spouse questions, and then just listen. This will show her that you truly care.

3. Empathize with your spouse. It is so important to put yourself in your spouse’s shoes in order to understand them better. Feel what they feel so you can truly understand their side of the conflict, not just your own.

4. Discuss what you can change. Once you’re done listening and empathizing, be sure to ask your spouse how you can change to avoid the argument in the future.

5. Take action, and take it seriously. The fight may be over, but that only means it’s time to put what you’ve learned into action. Make a serious effort to follow through with changes you discussed together. One way to do this is to ask your spouse on a weekly basis, “How am I doing on this?”

What are some of your most common fights with your spouse, and what are you doing to change that pattern? Please share your thoughts below.

Mark Merrill is the president of Family First. For the original article, visit markmerrill.com.

Best Magazine Deal. Subscribe now and get 3 magazines for the price of 1. Get Charisma, SpiritLed Woman and Ministry Today, all for $24. YES - I want this deal!

3 Reasons Why you should read Life in the Spirit. 1) Get to know the Holy Spirit. 2) Learn to enter God's presence 3) Hear God's voice clearly! Click Here to draw closer to God!

Your Turn

Comment Guidelines
View/Add Comments
  • Rev. Samuel Rodriguez was the first Hispanic pastor in history to pray at a presidential inauguration.

    At Trump Inauguration, Charismatic Leaders Pray Boldly in Jesus' Name. Is This Foreshadowing a New Day in America?

    It was an amazing day to let religious freedom ring in America.

  • Pastor Jim Garlow in a file photo shown praying.

    Conservative Christian Leaders Gather in DC, Calling Trump's Election an Answer to Prayer

    "Although the news media is predicting protests, what I'm seeing is that everyone is abuzz ...

  • Donald Trump certainly needs your prayers.

    Why You Must Pray for Donald Trump

    Here are eight ways I plan to intercede for President Trump regularly.

  • When I flew into D.C. yesterday, there were so many Secret Servicemen on the plane I wondered what was going on!

    Jennifer LeClaire Releases Urgent Prophetic Warning Over Washington, D.C.

    When I flew into D.C. yesterday, there were so many Secret Servicemen on the plane I wondered what ...

  • Here's a prophetic word for Washington, D.C.

    Prophecy: The Lord Is Raising Up Daniels in DC

    I believe we're on the precipice of a Third Great Awakening the Lord spoke to my heart about in ...

  • Does any of this reflect what's going on in your marriage?

    9 Characteristics of a Healthy Sexual Relationship for a Believer

    A healthy sexual relationship for a Christian couple takes effort, and it's worth working for.

  • Churches don't address this topic affecting women.

    The Secret Sorrow Women Carry

    This woman breaks the silence about a taboo subject to help restore many women.

  • Bishop Eddie Long died at 63.

    Bishop Eddie Long Dead at 63

    "Although his transition leaves a void for those of us who loved him dearly, we can celebrate ...

  • Continue Your Journey with the Holy Spirit

    Continue Your Journey with the Holy Spirit

    Follow God on the most fulfilling journey of your life with Encounter the Holy Spirit! Break away from past hurts and press into the One who wants a personal encounter with you.

  • Dream the Unimaginable In His Presence

    Dream the Unimaginable In His Presence

    Reach your full potential and be led by His Spirit. In His Presence takes you to a deeper understanding of who God is and how he communicates with us.

  • Set Your Spirit on Fire

    Set Your Spirit on Fire

    Receive the power and gifts that come through the Holy Spirit Baptism. Don’t go empty-handed; accept all that He has for you! His power is available to those who ask.

  • Put on the Full Armor of God

    Put on the Full Armor of God

    Break every stronghold with the power of the Holy Spirit. Use the power of your tongue to declare and decree the Word of God. Witness heaven move on your behalf.

Use Desktop Layout
Charisma Magazine — Empowering believers for life in the Spirit