New Man

Want to receive New Man by email? Sign up here
Couple in love
(Stock Free Images)

Men and women will always be different. We like that they’re wired and tick differently. At times, though, it can make our heads spin. But we need to make her feel special and appreciated.

Men think problems out, most of the time on our own. Women like to talk it out with you or a friend. We could spend a lifetime trying to figure out the opposite sex. We could possess all the knowledge from the previous millenniums and still need to explore further.

And while each woman is different and unique, there are a few similarities they all share. And within these similarities there is a recurring theme—it won’t make sense to me or to you, and we won’t be able to reason or rationalize it in our brains.

Then it hit me. I don’t need to rationalize it. All I need to do is understand that women are different and accept it.

Here’s how to understand her and do things for her even when you don’t “get” her.

1. Listen to her and use every muscle in your brain to not think about how you can fix it for her. Think back to the last time you were stuck in a jam and just needed a friend to listen. For us men, this doesn’t happen very often. But when it does, it’s usually after exhausting all other options and we just need a friend that’ll listen.

Women are similar, except that the listening part comes more often. They’re wired differently. That’s why we like them. Women like to communicate. We do too, but they do more. What I mean by this is that topics we find unnecessary or irrelevant could be important to her. This should make it important to you too. We might resolve it in our head, but they’ll talk it out. What we call “venting” might be how she processes and shares with you the events of her day.

When she comes home and shares with you a frustration from her day, try to look at it from the perspective of her wanting to include you in her day and not that she wants you to fix her day. If she wants you to fix it, she will let you know. You might think that if you fix it now, you’ll be saving her from a potential frustrating day down the road. This may be true.

But when she’s sharing her day (aka venting) with you, this is not the time to fix it. If you absolutely feel you need to bring it up, then do so later. Appreciate her venting, and be thankful you’re even a part of her day.

“The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention.” —Richard Moss

2. Learn her love language. There are only five, so it shouldn’t be too tough. They are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. If you’re unfamiliar with these five love languages, I suggest you learn about them.

These love languages aren’t strictly for women. We men have them too. For me, it’s quality time. I can remember growing up wanting to spend more quality time with my dad. But he wasn’t there. I didn’t quite realize why it was so important to me until I came to learn that this was my primary love language.

In your relationship, it’s important to know hers. For you, it might be receiving gifts, so you go and buy her expensive gifts. You even did all your homework and planned gifts for a year. Now, if her love language is words of affirmation, then you’re not hitting the bull’s eye. You’re coming close but still missing. I’m not saying she won’t appreciate the gift, because she will. But if you really want to make her feel special, learn her love language.

3. Take date nights. Spending time together comes first. Finding the time to spend together also comes first. I used to think men were supposed to put providing for their family above all else. For those of us that are single, it can be in preparation for providing; studying, workaholic or fill in the blank. It’s called being responsible, or so I thought. I even thought this was what women wanted.

A few years ago, a girl I was dating told me I was selfish. I didn’t get it then. I was being responsible for my own priorities, not the priorities we shared. What I’ve come to realize is that a relationship is like taking a journey together and having an adventure. If you’re absent or not on the path, then you’re not part of the adventure. Being “busy” is no excuse for not making time for the one who is most important in your life. And if we’re honest with ourselves, we know we can create time when it’s a priority.

4. Make up a holiday. You don’t have to follow the calendar to plan a special evening for her. Sure, those pre-decided dates, like anniversaries, help—especially for us men that need to plan things out. Make one up, however, and put it on your calendar—a holiday just for her. 

Buy a gift for no reason because women love gifts. It doesn’t matter how grand it is. A little gesture goes a long way. Nine out of 10 guys have a tough time gift shopping. What I try to do is listen throughout the year for gift ideas. Trust me, they do throw hints out there and, if you’re listening, you’ll catch one.

5. Get her a "push gift." This a new concept for me. My coworker told me about it (he actually gets credit for “date night” too) and said mothers really appreciate it. A push gift is given by a new father to a new mother when she gives birth to their child. Considering she carried and delivered a child, a gift is nothing in comparison, but the gesture will be appreciated. It can be given before, during or even after the delivery room.

6. Do the little things. Take out the trash, put down the toilet seat, create a grocery list if you can’t remember them all, fix the clogged sink, make breakfast or get the kids ready so she can sleep in. Any of these loving gestures will not make you less of a man.

Sometimes we complain about the woman in our life nagging us. For some of us, though, they ask and ask again while we're watching TV, right after saying we don’t have time. Excuses. No matter how rationalized in your brain, it is still an excuse. Be responsible and fulfill your duty.

Each of these ideas has its time and place. One does not replace the other. Some men only buy flowers when they’ve made a mistake. These ideas are not for that. You will not make her feel special if you do this. You will make her suspicious of you, however.

When it comes down to it, we do the things that make sense to us. We like to do things our way. But what really needs to happen and be understood here is that they’re different and our brains can’t solve that. What we can do, though, is move past it and do some of things we know they like. Treat her right and make her feel special.

We won’t always “get” women, so be thankful this isn’t a requirement to make her feel special, loved and appreciated.

P.S. Don’t be afraid to apologize and say you’re sorry when you’re wrong! Don’t be stubborn and think you’re showing your strength by refusing to admit you’re wrong. It’s not a competition. But if it were, you would still lose. And always remember to say “thank you” and show gratitude, especially for the little things she does every day.

For the original article, visit

Best Magazine Deal. Subscribe now and get 3 magazines for the price of 1. Get Charisma, SpiritLed Woman and Ministry Today, all for $24. YES - I want this deal!

3 Reasons Why you should read Life in the Spirit. 1) Get to know the Holy Spirit. 2) Learn to enter God's presence 3) Hear God's voice clearly! Click Here to draw closer to God!

Your Turn

Comment Guidelines
View/Add Comments
  • Roadblock

    6 Roadblocks That Will Stop Your Spiritual Growth

    God wants you to grow in your faith, but many of us get stuck along the way.

  • 2017 is the year that swords will clash.

    Prophetic Word: 2017 Will Bring a Clashing of Heaven and Hell

    "This is a time to cross over and not pull back."

  • Inner Healing Is the Fruit of the Spirit

    Inner Healing Is the Fruit of the Spirit

    I have been puzzled about the subject of inner healing for some time.

  • The devil will try to silence you in any way he can. Don't give him the satisfaction.

    Satan's 2 Most Potent Lies to Render You Ineffective

    There's something in you so powerful that Satan doesn't want it out. Kyle Winkler reveals ...

  • Are you willing to volunteer for God's offensive army?

    Prophetic Word: Preparing for God's World War 3

    God is searching for soldiers of the cross who are willing to volunteer for His offensive army.

  • Cindy Jacobs

    2017: Year of the Breakthrough

    "There will be a significant increase in miracles and signs and wonders."

  • Foot washing

    Shaking the Gates of Hell With a Basin of Water and a Towel

    "When I saw His foot, I knew He had come to take back territory the enemy had stolen from His ...

  • Growing relationship

    2017 Prophetic Word: The Supernatural Key to Growing Your Relationship With God

    It's vital that we understand what comes from God and what comes from the devil.

  • Marriage man and woman

    Why Marriage Is Not Just Between a Man and a Woman

    Marriage is a miracle. Let us treat it like one.

  • Continue Your Journey with the Holy Spirit

    Continue Your Journey with the Holy Spirit

    Follow God on the most fulfilling journey of your life with Encounter the Holy Spirit! Break away from past hurts and press into the One who wants a personal encounter with you.

  • Dream the Unimaginable In His Presence

    Dream the Unimaginable In His Presence

    Reach your full potential and be led by His Spirit. In His Presence takes you to a deeper understanding of who God is and how he communicates with us.

  • Set Your Spirit on Fire

    Set Your Spirit on Fire

    Receive the power and gifts that come through the Holy Spirit Baptism. Don’t go empty-handed; accept all that He has for you! His power is available to those who ask.

  • Put on the Full Armor of God

    Put on the Full Armor of God

    Break every stronghold with the power of the Holy Spirit. Use the power of your tongue to declare and decree the Word of God. Witness heaven move on your behalf.

Use Desktop Layout
Charisma Magazine — Empowering believers for life in the Spirit