Infidelity is a big cause for divorce in the United States. The causes for infidelity are varied and not just confined to sexual lust, but certainly lust is the starting point in most cases that later lead to adulterous sex.
This is the great conundrum of life for many men. Our DNA is pre-loaded with the strong instinct to feel attraction and desire, yet life and morality demand that we are able to control those instincts in proper balance. So how do we do that?
For the sake of our marriages, relationships or just spiritual well-being, we need to be able to find the answer. You are in a battle against sexual lust. Here is how you win:
1. Consistent prayer. Prayer is the act of communicating your thoughts, worries, hopes and dreams to God. Lift up the desires you are feeling and ask for help. God made you and knows you and can deliver you time and time again. Here are 10 Things to Pray for in Your Marriage.
2. Avoid pornography. Besides the obvious reason—that avoiding porn will help guard against lust—there are psychological reasons as well. Porn creates unrealistic expectations and desensitizes our minds toward our spouses. They can’t possibly live up to what is viewed, and would we even want them to? This pushes the focus of your sexual desires outside of the home and can only lead to paths of destruction. He are 10 Ways to Fight Pornography.
3. Use social media with caution. The benefits of the age of social networks are many. The pitfalls are equally as great. We are reunited with people from our past and introduced to those who are new. Old sparks can be renewed or new ones can be lit. For a married man, this can be extremely perilous. Always remain alert to true intentions when using social media. Here are 10 Marital Principles for Social Media.
4. Consider the consequences. Fear is a great protector. While pondering the object of your desire, also ponder the consequences of action. Do you want to wind up in couples therapy? Could your lust lead to an STD or even an addiction? If you think of these things while your desires are at their peak, you will find them quickly receding to normal levels.
5. Question your intent. Most times when our minds wander sexually, we aren’t really seeking pure sex. We are seeking to replace something missing in our lives and our relationships. For each man, these things will be specific to his experiences. Figure out the root issue and work to correct it.
6. Practice sexual intimacy. Do you remember falling in love and the feeling that nobody in the world existed except the person you loved? The reason for that is the high level of intimacy that was shared while you were getting to know each other. While there is no reset button to start the marital relationship over, there are certainly plenty of ways to regain that level of intimacy. Improving communication, date nights, passionate kissing and thoughtful gestures are just a few examples. When our minds and hearts are occupied in the right place, sexual lust has little room to operate.
7. Avoid tempting situations. The last thing you want to do is find yourself alone with the object of your lustful desires. If contact with that person is a must, then make sure it is always in a public space and others are around. Do not paint yourself into a corner where further action is possible.
8. Choose your friends wisely. When battling lust, there are plenty of people we can find who will enable that to grow even more powerful. As men, we all have friends who are single and living that lifestyle, who are married but cheating, or who are just drawn to trouble. You can still be their friend, but by all means avoid joining them in their choices.
9. Keep high standards. To be a gentleman is a choice—a very good choice, and this world today needs a great many more. Despite the vast amount of temptations life throws our way, we should hold ourselves to the highest of moral standards. Self-discipline in all areas of life leads to positive results.
10. Harness your passion. In most cases, overwhelming sexual lust is really just a desire to release the deep passion inside of you that has nothing to do with sex. Instead, direct that passion in positive directions. Volunteer at a homeless shelter. Coach a youth sports team. Mentor troubled individuals. The satisfaction that comes from building and creating will defeat the destruction that comes from succumbing to the path of sexual lust and desire.
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